Say YES to Yourself and NO to Needless Trouble

August 13th, 2012

10 Comments

Say "yes" to yourself and your dreams!

Would you like more time for what you love and less trouble in your life? Would you like the energy to be good to other people? Learn to heed your intuition. We’ll use the Y.E.S. process:

Y – Yearn for Valuable Moments
E – Embrace “the Pause”
S – Support Yourself

1. Yearn for Valuable Moments

It all begins with your desire for Valuable Moments: moments of love, kindness, friendship, fulfillment, success and fun. However, it’s almost as if many things are set up to needlessly distract you from the best in life.

Here’s a personal example. Often, I hire contractors. Sometimes, I hire friends. One of my friends was struggling to find work. I considered hiring “George” to do some work. Years ago, we had worked together. I started to talk with George and everything became about how things were inconvenient for him. He told me that I had to figure everything out and then call him back. This was not the collaboration or spirit of cooperation that I was looking for.

Instead of dragging things out, I called the next morning and said, “George, we’re still friends and I know we can be supportive of each other. And, my personal pace, my personal tempo is fast. I’ll get a project done in 27 days. I don’t let things slow down my momentum. When I was talking with you, it did not feel collaborative. I’m sad to say, we do not have a match. I do not have work for you.”

So I faced the music. Sure I felt sad and concerned about how my friendship with George may not survive my refusal to get encumbered with him.

I had a higher priority: I want more Valuable Moments in my life. I don’t want needless trouble or complications. I am willing to do a “positive confrontation” — that is, I’m willing to express my personal truth (what my heart feels). Facing some discomfort now can avoid a LOT of discomfort later.

I heeded my intuition. I could sense that lots of conflict would arise with George. It was not worth it. It would drain my time and energy. No way!

Instead of getting encumbered with George, I jumped into writing and finishing my new book, Darkest Secrets of Small Business Marketing: Stop Procrastinating, Attract Customers and Jumpstart Your Big Profits (free chapter at Amazon.com ). Doing this book with the collaboration of a bunch of best-selling authors including Brian Tracy, Chip Conley, Patricia Fripp, Mark Sanborn, Noah St. John, Tony Alessandra was a dream! I’m so glad that I avoided the energy-drain of George.

2. Embrace “the Pause”

Are you someone who says “yes” too quickly? When I say, “Embrace the Pause,” I mean: Create time for you to think through the consequences of saying “yes” to some task or activity.

How do you create a “pause?” Say something like: “I hear that this is important to you. I’ll need to check some details to see if it is possible for me to help in some way.”

When you get back to the person, you can say, “[Original request] doesn’t work for me. What I can do is _____.” In this way, you are showing some support, AND you’re avoiding the situation of trouble for yourself.

For example, Susan was asked by her friend Mindy to subscribe to Mindy’s enewsletter. Susan wanted to be supportive but she didn’t want her in-box choked with a lot of extra email. So Susan said, “I’ll send a tweet out about your project.” In this case, Susan provided some support–not exactly what Mindy wanted–but Susan must make her own decisions . . . and protect her own time and energy.

3. Support Yourself

I help someone every day. Perhaps, I’ll provide a link for a new author so she can self-publish her first ebook. Maybe, I’ll call a friend and tell her that I believe in her and her talent. How can I do this? How do I have the time and the personal energy? The reason is: I take care of myself. I log my sleep so I keep on top of it. I exercise daily.

I realize that I’m sharing some personal examples. That’s because, in this article, I want to share principles that I live by. Sometimes, I fall short. But I take action toward fulfilling my values.

I invite you to get clear about your personal values. Also, use the Y.E.S. process so you say YES to yourself and NO to needless trouble.

Remember:

Y – Yearn for Valuable Moments
E – Embrace “the Pause”
S – Support Yourself

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux, author of 12 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )

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Tom Marcoux
CEO,
America’s Communication Coach

Author of

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Categories: Double Your Sales, How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance

10 Responses to “Say YES to Yourself and NO to Needless Trouble”

  1. Jesperson Says:
    August 13th, 2012 at 9:16 PM

    [message garbled]

  2. Emi Says:
    August 13th, 2012 at 9:54 PM

    Great timing on this share Tom! A short and sweet way to get out of engaging in someone elses “drama/stuff”…. and an easy way to get out of making a commitment you can’t comfortably commit to! These two examples are the ones most of us are trying to find ways to deal with daily

  3. Tom Marcoux Says:
    August 13th, 2012 at 10:50 PM

    Emi,
    about “Great timing on this share Tom! A short and sweet way to get out of engaging in someone elses “drama/stuff”…. and an easy way to get out of making a commitment you can’t comfortably commit to! These two examples are the ones most of us are trying to find ways to deal with daily.”

    Yes. Often when I write one of these articles
    I’m expressing something that I’ve learned after making an error or two.
    My hope is that readers will save time and tears.

    Emi, thanks for your kind comment.
    many joyful moments,
    Tom

  4. Tom Marcoux Says:
    August 14th, 2012 at 2:26 AM

    Bev,
    about “[message garbled]”

    Thanks for attempting to post a comment.
    a great day,
    Tom

  5. Chicago Bulls Snapback Says:
    August 14th, 2012 at 3:44 PM

    I am continually looking online for ideas that can facilitate me. Thanks!

  6. Tom Marcoux Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 1:53 AM

    Fyri,
    about “I am continually looking online for ideas that can facilitate me. Thanks!”

    You’re welcome.
    a great day,
    Tom

  7. franklin marshall outlet Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 10:15 PM

    It’s a nice post.

  8. Tom Marcoux Says:
    August 16th, 2012 at 2:24 AM

    Franklin,
    about “It’s a nice post.”

    Thank you.
    a great day,
    Tom

  9. Franklyn Hollo Says:
    September 5th, 2012 at 12:42 AM

    I simply want to say I’m newbie to blogging and certainly enjoyed this blog site. More than likely I’m planning to bookmark your blog post . You certainly come with exceptional stories. Thanks for sharing with us your blog.

  10. Tom Marcoux Says:
    September 5th, 2012 at 3:58 AM

    Vendelin,
    about “I simply want to say I’m newbie to blogging and certainly enjoyed this blog site. More than likely I’m planning to bookmark your blog post . You certainly come with exceptional stories. Thanks for sharing with us your blog.”
    Thank you.
    a great day,
    Tom

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