Drop Limited Thinking and Pump Up Your Success

November 21st, 2011

8 Comments

Want more success? Learn to travel with "new thoughts."

When you’re right you know it–yes? Are you sure? Have you ever been so certain and then later you discovered your perception was off? Let’s focus on what is going on below the surface. Why do we tend to make other people wrong? To get the “prize” of certainty. It’s almost as if our subconscious mind is ringing with: “You’re wrong, so I’m right. Good. Now, I can feel safe.” We’ll use the H.O.W. process:

1. Honor
2. Own
3. Welcome

1. Honor

Honor that both you and the other person can be right (in some manner) at the same time. Really? Let’s say that Susan and Mark are arguing. She says, “Stop yelling at me.” And he responds, “I’m not yelling.” They can both be right. He may be talking at a “medium” level compared to the household discussions he grew up with. And she may be hearing his tone as “harsh.” In her family, the big wrongdoing was raising one’s voice. Only later in a couple’s therapy session, Susan and Mark can give each other the benefit of the doubt. Mark says, “I’m sorry that my tone was intense.” And Susan can say, “I realize that I might be extra sensitive to how loud somebody talks.”

2. Own

Become aware of your own uncertainty. Let’s face it. Uncertainty hurts or at least feels terribly uncomfortable. So what do we do? We just refuse to “sit with the uncertainty.”

We may subconsciously jump to a conclusion: “Someone must be to blame here. And it can’t be me.”

Instead, try something different. Pause. I remember being in a coaching session with my own coach. She suggested an idea, and I paused. A moment later, I replied, “I don’t know how to do that yet.”  The idea was for me to just “take a look” at a new possibility.

Over the years, I have heard people say, “I don’t see how that would help.” That may be so, but an innovative solution is likely to stir things up and cause some discomfort. Just because we can’t see the value of something at this moment, it does NOT mean that the other person is wrong. Perhaps, we just haven’t arrived at the point to see something new or to get on the same page.

When leading a team producing a film or book, I often say, “I’ll ponder that.” This is my method to avoid instantly dismissing a new idea. It’s also my way to own my personal uncertainty. Team members have told me that they appreciate that I do NOT “shut them down.” They appreciate that I will hear them out.

3. Welcome

Learn to welcome the surprises of life. Two things can happen: 1) you’ll adapt or 2) you’ll be pleasantly surprised and delighted. And welcome that other people have varying viewpoints.

Each of my 8 books available on Amazon.com [free chapters available here] was much improved because I welcomed the input and guidance of two editors per book.

The top successful people I know welcome coaching and constructive feedback. Listening to feedback can be tough. After working with the editing comments for a section of a book that I’m writing, I can feel worn out. But I know that my openness to making improvements truly serves my readers. So I endure receiving tough, constructive comments.

Here’s the important point: you cannot grow and improve if you make an impenetrable barrier between you and new ideas and other viewpoints.

Instead, make yourself stronger and improve your performance at various tasks, when you don’t default to making someone else wrong.

Focus on Honor, Own, and Welcome.

Warmly,
Tom

* * * photo with this article by Tom Marcoux * * *

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Tom Marcoux
CEO,
America’s Communication Coach

Author of

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Categories: Double Your Sales, How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance

8 Responses to “Drop Limited Thinking and Pump Up Your Success”

  1. Johanna Mac Leod Says:
    November 22nd, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    Tom,
    I find your comments applicable to daily situations.
    I’m glad you’re reminding us to look at other people’s points of view.

    Johanna

  2. Tom Marcoux Says:
    November 22nd, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    Johanna,
    about “I find your comments applicable to daily situations. I’m glad you’re reminding us to look at other people’s points of view.”

    Thank you. I’m glad that the article is helpful.
    “Making another person wrong” can be like a reflex for many of us.
    It takes “pausing” — and listening so that we might create a supportive atmosphere at work or at home.

    the best to you,
    Tom

  3. Peter Says:
    November 23rd, 2011 at 4:05 PM

    hi there, very good website, and a very good understand! at least one for my bookmarks.

  4. Tom Marcoux Says:
    November 24th, 2011 at 2:25 AM

    Peter,
    about “hi there, very good website, and a very good understand! at least one for my bookmarks.”

    Thank you.
    The best to you,
    Tom

  5. Adina Says:
    November 28th, 2011 at 1:39 PM

    hi there, very good blog, and an amazing understanding! just one for my bookmarking.

  6. Tom Marcoux Says:
    November 28th, 2011 at 5:00 PM

    Adina,
    about “hi there, very good blog, and an amazing understanding! just one for my bookmarking.”

    Thank you.
    many joyful moments,
    Tom

  7. Sprinkle apk Says:
    December 13th, 2011 at 5:32 PM

    An engrossing article. I believe that you should compose more articles on this subject.

  8. Tom Marcoux Says:
    December 14th, 2011 at 3:32 AM

    Amyx,
    about “An engrossing article. I believe that you should compose more articles on this subject.”

    Thank you.
    a great day,
    Tom

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