3 Big Mistakes that Stop You from Persuading Someone

June 1st, 2010

16 Comments

When you try to persuade, do you feel like you're herding cats?

What do you want?

Who on this planet can brighten your life by saying “yes” to you?

Do you have a plan for how you’re going to persuade the person to actually say “yes”?

Make sure your plan handles the Top 3 Mistakes that cause one to fail to persuade.

1. Remember: “I can’t persuade you if I don’t know you.”

Picture this: spaghetti flying through the air and some of it sticks to a wall. That appears to be how novice salespeople try to communicate the benefits of a product. Ugh.

Instead, ask a gentle question and find out what’s important to the person. Now, you’re on a successful path.

Handle this mistake: Too much talking — too little listening.

Asking questions and listening well is what Master Persuaders do. An old phrase is: People believe what they say more than anything you say. So you need to get the person talking. How? A gentle question.

At one point, I received training in retail selling — which emphasized that one needs to avoid the question: “May I help you?” It’s almost as if people jump into a defensive stance and take the position – ”No! You will not talk me into buying anything! (even if I am in this store)”

The useful question is: “So what brings you into the story today?”

Anytime you feel that you want to persuade someone, remember this phrase: “I can’t persuade you if I don’t know you.” So start asking gentle questions.

2. Be a benevolent detective.

How will you know the appropriate questions to ask?
You’ll do your “homework.”

Handle this mistake: Failing to do your “homework.”

The idea is to learn to become a benevolent detective. You need to discover how you can be helpful to the person.

On the other hand, to “wing it” is asking to crash and burn.

Again, the “homework” is to think it through.

Before you get into a persuasion situation, ask yourself these questions:

a) Why would someone want my product?
b) How could the person be hurt if they fail to get my product?
c) Do they want the product but they have some subconscious block? Do I need to subtly “give them permission to buy”?
d) How can I tell the person a story in which a previous client almost failed to get the product? [Be sure to show how the previous client saved herself from trouble (by actually getting the product).]
e) Advanced method: If you’re giving a speech, write down 10 tough questions you do not want to answer. And then write 2 answers for each tough question. (That’s right. Write down 20 answers . . . . my clients and graduate students tell me that they feel so prepared when they do this.)

Write down your answers. Rehearse how you will mention important details to a prospective client.

3. Ask for what you want — and include the benefits

Have you ever choked up when you needed to ask someone for something?

Handle this mistake: Failing to clearly ask for what you want.

Probably you choked when you needed to ask because of two reasons:

a) You didn’t know what to say exactly.
b) You didn’t rehearse the words — so the words would not flow smoothly from your mouth.

Consider this pattern:

“Because of (reason #1) and (reason #2), I hope you will please say ‘yes’ to publishing my book.”

Many of my clients and graduate students have given successful presentations and have gained the golden “yes”, when they used the above pattern.

Why? The request is clear. But more importantly, the benefits (reason #1, reason #2) are clear before you make the request.

Is there a general way to ask?

How about “Would you please consider . . .?”


In summary, let’s look at the Top 3 Mistakes made by people failing to persuade:

* Too much talking – too little listening
* Failing to do your “homework”
* Failing to clearly ask for what you want

Remember these helpful methods:

1. Remember: “I can’t persuade you if I don’t know you.”
2. Be a benevolent detective.
3. Ask for what you want — and include the benefits

Let me put this plainly:

Successful persuasion involves rehearsal.
Rehearse the above methods.
You’ll be glad that you did.
And by the way,

Would you please consider sending me an email and let me know when a method has been helpful to you?

Thanks – I appreciate your support.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO,
America’s Communication Coach

Author of Nothing Can Stop You This Year: How to Unleash Your Hidden Power to Persuade Well, Get More Done, Gain Sudden Profits, Command Intuition and Feel Great – free chapter at http://bit.ly/8zQywm

and

Truth No One Will Tell You: How to Feed Your Soul, Save a Business, or Get a Job During an Economic Crisis free chapter  at http://bit.ly/8RTRk5

and

Be Heard and Be Trusted:
How You Can Use Secrets of the Greatest Communicators to Get What You Want, 3rd edition – free chapter at http://bit.ly/8H0rOO

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories: Double Your Sales, How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance

16 Responses to “3 Big Mistakes that Stop You from Persuading Someone”

  1. Abby Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 7:27 PM

    Tom,
    This article reminds me of your public speaking class for graduate students.

    “It’s not about how I’m doing, it’s about how YOU are doing” – that was easily the best thing I learned from your class.

    For a self-conscious control freak like me, that really turned things around. I’ve put it into practice and I’m already seeing the difference in my level of confidence. Just this afternoon, I realized how nicely it worked for me. So I thought I’d let you know.

    Thanks for sharing all those great insights with us.

  2. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 7:41 PM

    Abby,
    Thanks :)

    Yes — the transformation from
    “How am I doing?” to “How are you doing?”
    has made a big difference in my life, too.

    As I mentioned in the graduate level class,
    I started off as a shy kid playing piano for seniors at a retirement home.
    I was so scared and thought only of “how am I doing?”

    Now, when I present to an audience, I have a form of dialogue with the audience.
    It is about my being at the service of the audience.

    Thanks for keeping me posted about how the methods shared in the class
    continue to be helpful for you.
    This brightens my day :)

    many happy moments,
    Tom

  3. WADE Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 11:40 PM

    Great stuff Tom!! Love being reminded of such simple, yet overlooked truths!!

  4. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 2:56 AM

    Wade,
    about “Great stuff Tom!! Love being reminded of such simple, yet overlooked truths!!”

    Thanks :)

    Wade, I visited your website http://www.schingsgroup.com/
    and learned that you provide “state-of-the-art presentations, landing pages, videos, follow-ups, marketing and conversion tools.”
    That’s a lot of material!

    I’ll need to learn more over time.

    Congratulations on your extensive work.

    good journey,
    Tom

  5. Martin Crous, Ph.D. Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 2:04 PM

    Tom, thank you for this great article. I like the information you are writing on your blog and believe that what you are sharing with us needs to be shared with as many people as possible. I would like to see some of your articles in the “Success for Life” Coaches magazine. http://www.martincrous.com/successforlife.html

  6. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    Martin,
    about “I like the information you are writing on your blog and believe that what you are sharing with us needs to be shared with as many people as possible. I would like to see some of your articles in the “Success for Life” Coaches magazine. http://www.martincrous.com/successforlife.html

    Thanks :)
    I look forward to talking with you about the opportunity to share my writing through “Success for Life”.
    I went to http://www.martincrous.com/successforlife.html
    and learned that “In each issue of SUCCESS for Life you’ll get an inside look at the success Habits, Secrets, Strategies, Techniques and Tips of Leading Coaches and Trainers, all experts in their own right, from all over the world contributing to help YOU become more successful in your coaching business – How YOU can implement these strategies and techniques increasing your income. How YOU can manage YOUR time, set goals, stay motivated, inspire YOUR clients and colleagues, stay healthy, balance work and family and more! Some issues feature Secrets, Strategies, Techniques and Tips from Success guru’s such as Dr. Wayne Dyer, John C. Maxwell, Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins and Paul McKenna.”

    That’s impressive.

    Martin, thanks for your comment. :)
    many happy moments,
    Tom

  7. Daniel Faggella Says:
    June 4th, 2010 at 10:41 PM

    Awesome, Tom.

    First off, herding cats is a great way to put it.

    Second, stating the reasons and benefits before the request is a HUGE and REMARKABLY SIMPLE concept… and something I need to think more about in my own asking and selling.

    I look forward to reading more, Tom, thanks.

    -Daniel Faggella
    http://www.danfaggella.com

  8. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 5th, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    Daniel,
    about “stating the reasons and benefits before the request is a HUGE and REMARKABLY SIMPLE concept… and something I need to think more about in my own asking and selling.”

    I hear you.
    I study and rehearse each day so that I can clearly communicate with clients, graduate students and audiences.
    And I learn a lot from my own mentors.

    I went to your website http://www.danfaggella.com
    and learned about your seminar “What its All About — In this seminar Dan delves into the topic of self-understanding, teaching the methods we can use to get a grasp of what is really most important for us in our lives. Through stories, humor, reflection, and exercises, attendees come to understand their personal purpose and their ideal future to be strived for.”

    Sounds terrific!
    I also find that humor creates a responsive energy for learning in the room.

    many happy moments,
    Tom

  9. Amy B. Says:
    June 6th, 2010 at 5:25 PM

    The Amyloidosis Foundation estimates that approximately 3,000 people are diagnosed with amyloidosis each year in North America and that blood cancers overall have increased more than 40% in the last decade.

  10. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 6th, 2010 at 11:00 PM

    Amy,
    as I view your posting about The Amyloidosis Foundation,
    I am reminded that a powerful statistic can grab the audience’s attention.
    I didn’t know about “blood cancers overall have increased more than 40% in the last decade”.

    It gets me to wondering about what are the factors? — water supply, food supply?

    many blessings,
    Tom

  11. Finding the best CNA School Says:
    June 7th, 2010 at 11:05 PM

    Wow this is a great resource.. I’m enjoying it.. good article

  12. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 8th, 2010 at 3:36 AM

    Hello CNA school,
    about “Wow this is a great resource.. I’m enjoying it.. good article”

    Thanks :)

    a great day,
    Tom

  13. cna training Says:
    June 9th, 2010 at 11:02 PM

    Great site. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!

  14. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 1:38 AM

    Hello cna training,
    about “Great site. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!”

    Thanks :)

    a terrific day to you,
    Tom

  15. WP Themes Says:
    June 12th, 2010 at 1:02 AM

    Nice brief and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you on your information.

  16. Tom Marcoux Says:
    June 12th, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    Ala,
    about “Nice brief and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you on your information.”

    I’m glad to hear that this article was helpful for your college assignment.
    I’m celebrating 10 years of teaching graduate students and college students
    – so I dedicate much of my life to the service of students.

    the best to you,
    Tom

Add a comment