Why are you doing that?!

April 5th, 2010

4 Comments

How about *this moment* -- to let your best out?

Imagine that you knew exactly the reason that you have self-sabotaged your chance at big success.

Now that you know: Is everything all better?

Some theories hold that having an insight is the holy grail. The big moment. The big change.

I kindly submit to you that the question why are you doing that is  . . . impotent.

It doesn’t solve everything — just at the moment you have a special insight.

Instead, try adding these questions:

* What feeling are you trying to avoid?

* What do you want to feel?

And . . .

* Is what you’re doing or not doing working for you?

I remember one time that my face was scrunched up in a frown. (I’m sure my sweetheart found it unpleasant to look at.)

I said, “I’m not looking for comfort. I don’t expect fairness.” (you can hear my inner rebel talking – right?)

Did I say something true?

Shhhh. Come closer to the monitor. Yes — you.

I’ll tell you the truth. I want to count. I want to make a real contribution toward humankind’s rise.

This all came to a head — some weeks ago just before I was scheduled for a surgical procedure.

The hospital requires you to sign forms indicating that you understand that something wrong can occur.
In response, I updated my Last Will. I faced my death.

I hugged people important to me.

I called friends living some distance from me — and I expressed my gratitude to them for their kindness, support and friendship. I wrote gratitude letters to be sent out by my sweetheart if I didn’t pull through.

I thought of how I wanted a successor for my company to carry on and improve upon my work. I wanted my books (now available on Amazon.com) to always be available.

And I came to this truth: I had no control over any of that (if I wasn’t on the planet).

So I had to take a walk over to the state of being known as acceptance and equanimity.

Going through this pre-surgery experience pushed me to a realization:

In the end, all we have is the gratitude.

What gratitude?

Gratitude to have participated in something valuable.

What’s valuable to you?

Perhaps, you have participated in:

A hug.
A kiss.
A speech.
A book.
A movie.
A friendship.
Some volunteer work benefiting people needing help.
You name it.

So now, I ask you:

Why are you doing that?

Do it because you want to feel in your heart the gratitude for having had the chance to participate in something worthwhile.

And get the rest of it together.

Don’t lie to yourself.

* What feeling are you trying to avoid?

* What do you want to feel?

* Is what you’re doing or not doing working for you?

You can answer these questions in a personal journal. Wait! You’re not done. Pull out your day planner, calendar, or PDA and schedule-in actions for you to take today and this week. Having an insight about your past is not enough. What are you going to do about it? Stop complaining; start doing. Start living.

Before my surgical procedure, my father and I had a conversation. At one point, he said about life: “You do your duty.”

I replied, “I do my duty, and it’s not making me happy.”

And guess what, since that moment, I have made new decisions.

I still do my duty and I find ways to experience happy moments everyday.

Just a moment . . .

. . . okay, I’m back — I was buying flowers for a family member.

By the way, I’m happy to be writing this article and to be having this conversation with you.

So you don’t have to wait for a surgical procedure to expand your horizons.

Now, it’s your turn.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux

America’s Communication Coach
www.TomSuperCoach.com

Author of Nothing Can Stop You This Year – free chapter at http://bit.ly/8zQywm

and

Truth No One Will Tell You: How to Feed Your Soul, Save a Business, or Get a Job During an Economic Crisis free chapter  at http://bit.ly/8RTRk5

and

Be Heard and Be Trusted, 3rd edition – free chapter at http://bit.ly/8H0rOO

 

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Categories: How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance

4 Responses to “Why are you doing that?!”

  1. David Blue Says:
    April 6th, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    First–glad you made it through surgery! Second–I kinda/sorta felt something similar this Easter when an earthquake hit at work (never been inside a skyscraper during one of those before–kinda eerie). But I suppose my fundamental answer is that I try to identify myself as more than just *me* to actively *be* more than myself as an individual. This may sound absurd given my own stubborn insistence upon being myself, but IMHO this resembles more the ends of two poles. A planet needs more than a south or a north pole. Just as a person needs to be more than individual or just a member of a group.

    And I’m reminded of a passage in the television series ANGEL when the central character (a “good” vampire struggling with the meaning of it all) has an epiphany which struck a personal cord. If, he says, this is all there is and there is no meaning to anything and no grand plan–then every single act, every single word is vastly important because that is all there is.

  2. Tom Marcoux Says:
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:53 PM

    David,
    Thanks for your comment.
    about “Just as a person needs to be more than individual or just a member of a group.”
    Powerful.
    I find that experience of “identity” is so crucial for any experience of happiness and meaning.
    For example, I know a speaker whose morale plummeted when her Twitter followers dwindled in numbers. In my thoughts, I wanted to shout — but you are so much more than a number of followers or “friends” at Facebook!

    Also, about ” every single act, every single word is vastly important because that is all there is.”

    This goes to the heart.

    To this day, I remember a favorite teacher in high school, who wrote a note to me that read “If I had a son, I would like him to be like you.”

    That teacher taught theology — and I have taught Comparative Religion for 8 years now.

    A few words are so influential.

    David, thanks again for your thought-provoking comment.
    many happy moments,
    Tom

  3. Terry Kozak Says:
    May 14th, 2010 at 4:35 PM

    In the past you have mentioned doing something today to connect with new people and to be supportive of someone you already know. I do it every day Tom just to remind myself of how blessed this life is. There is no greater gift than the power we have been given to have the ability to reach out to others in a way that says to them “I am so glad that you’re out there to share this fantastic journey we call life with.” The more love you share, the more love is bestowed upon you. Knowing that there is a world of so many wonderful people like you out here makes this world a much better place. Have a great weekend Tom.
    Spread the love people.
    terrancekozak1959@yahoo.com
    facebook/terrancekozak1959

  4. Tom Marcoux Says:
    May 14th, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    Terry,
    about “There is no greater gift than the power we have been given to have the ability to reach out to others in a way that says to them ‘I am so glad that you’re out there to share this fantastic journey we call life with.’ The more love you share, the more love is bestowed upon you.”

    So true – and inspiring.
    I appreciate your kind and uplifting words.

    I have heard people say that they don’t have the energy nor the time to
    connect with people.
    And Terry, I see that you know that just a few moments can *energy us* and we lighten the load of another person.

    Thanks for your comment,
    many happy moments,
    Tom

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