Confidently Connect with People even when You Feel Like You’re Failing

Successful people persist throw low times. Learn more in Tom Marcoux 's book "What the Rich Don't Say About Getting Rich"

Successful people persist through low times. Learn more in Tom Marcoux ‘s book “What the Rich Don’t Say About Getting Rich

“How can I genuinely connect with people even when deep inside I feel like I’m failing?” my client, Alisha, asked.

“What brings this up?” I asked.

“I feel like I’m not making enough marketing calls. I feel ashamed about that. I even feel scared,” Alisha said.

I next guided her in the process “Shift to an Empowering Question.” The idea is that we shift out of dark thoughts into new, positive possibilities.

First, I’ll share that successful people I’ve interviewed and those I’ve studied find that just before the breakthrough there is a “breakdown”—that is big trouble. For example, Denis Waitley wrote The Psychology of Winning when he was flat broke. He finished that audio program, and it went on to be one of the bestselling audio programs of all time.

Years ago, some authors wrote: “Fake it until you make it.”

On the other hand, I have something better for you: Act It Until You Become It.

We’re not talking about trying to prevent every negative thought. Instead, we’re talking about Shifting to an Empowering Question.

 

Use the Power of “How can I …?”
Here’s an example: “How can I take what I learned on that sales call, and do better with the next one?”

I’ll answer that. Write things down and keep notes. For every sales call, you can use what I share with my clients: In a journal, you draw a line down the center of the page. On the left side, write down: “What worked.” On the right side, write down “Areas to Improve.”

The idea is to capture that information. That’s how you’re going to do better.

 

Use the Power of “How can we …?”
The focus is on “we.” For example, when I guide clients to identify 3 Levels of Goals: Good, Excellent, and Amazing!, we note that Amazing Results require a team or at least connections with other people.

One of my clients applied this “How can we?” process.

She asked, “How can we … get me more referrals?”

That was a great starting point.

 

In summary, we’re talking about how a negative thought comes up – and your effective response is to come back with an Empowering Question.

Here’s another Empowering Question: How can I take one small step now in a positive direction? 

If you’re worried about not making enough marketing phone calls, you ask, “How can I change my schedule?” One of my mentors emphasizes “8 before 8” – that is, 8 phone calls before 8 in the morning. He also says, “5 after 5.” That is, 5 phone calls after 5 pm in the evening.

Remember, when a negative thought comes up, you ask an Empowering Question.

So if you’re about to give a sales presentation or speech, ask yourself: “How can I help these people?” — “How can I listen well and help them know I care?” — “How may I serve?”

You’ll feel better. You’ll go into action.

Once in action, you’ll feel more confident. In this way, you can do better with your meetings/conversations during the day.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
and Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
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Do you have a place for your words?

Shine where you're planted--in this present moment.

Shine where you’re planted–in this present moment.

With recent events, I know some individuals who fear that they will lose the ability to sustain their lives.

Who do they talk with?

And can they find a safer place than Facebook?

When one of my close friends killed himself, I had a place for my words. A safe place to express my feelings. (I have my own coaches and mentors.)

When something happens, my mind jumps to ways to adapt to the situation.

Not everyone can jump that fast.

And by the way, let’s allow people to grieve. Do you make space so you can grieve when you suffer a loss? Or do you simply jump over grief and “just get on with it”?

After 14 years of teaching college level Comparative Religion, that chapter of my life closed. I grieved. So as I turned to new things in my a new chapter of my life, each day I made space for experiencing the grief. My days had some grief moments and also some bright moments.

Whenever you need support, I invite you to:

  • Have a place for your words (a safe friend to talk with, a therapist or writing in a journal—whatever works for you)
  • Avoid turning to people who will not give you space to feel your feelings

If you are a person who jumps forward …

Please consider listening to a person who is grieving. Just listen. Do NOT push. In my family, I have someone who has clinical depression. There is no “happy button” on this person. I am supportive, and I avoid trying to push the person out of their mood.

Sometimes, I say, “I hear you. You’re in pain. This may be one of those days in which you sleep most of the day. Okay.”

My point is: Grief is real—and have a place for your words (by this I mean, have some safe place where you can speak out so you can feel your feelings).

Sometimes, unexpressed grief or fear is like a big monster in darkness. When we can bring the monster into the light, often the monster can get smaller. As we talk (with someone who provides a safe place) about the situation, we can find solutions or ways to adapt.

When you feel you’re in a dark time, you can adapt. The light will be your strength that improves in adapting.

By the way, if you have an interest in spirituality, when times are dark, give yourself the gift of time and efforts in the direction of spirituality. (I wrote a comforting book, The Hidden Power of the AND-Universe. Look inside this book when you CLICK HERE )

If you want other people to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion. – The Dalai Lama

Every morning, before I turn on any device and before I see any email message, I devote 3 minutes to meditation. It helps. I know that I experience In the Present Moment, quiet, calm and peace.

Even a brief time of calm and peace is something you can carry with you into your day.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
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Use the Real Secret to Get More Done – and Overcome Procrastination

Break free of the "fence of procrastination."

Break free of the “fence of procrastination.”

“I need to break this procrastination,” my client Abigail said.

“I have a valuable method to help you. It comes down to two memorable words: Remove Resistance,” I replied.

Researchers identify that procrastination rises up due to two things: one does not know how to do something or one anticipates pain.

The solution is to Remove Resistance in these ways:

  • Remove pain if possible (for example, add music that you enjoy while you sort receipts)
  • Ask for help (or study some material — so you can learn how to do something)

Here’s another strategy:

Remove Resistance by strategically limiting the scope of your first actions.

Here’s an example:

At one point, I needed to write some material for a website. I told myself: I’ll just write a really short bit of material.

In this way, I took the pressure off.

Writing something short helped me get into action.

Then I could show team members the material, and we could add to it later.

Finally, here’s another way to Remove Resistance: Quiet Down Fear. How? You set up ways for people to “watch your back.” As I just mentioned, when I wrote a short bit of material, I then had other people double-check it. Let’s realize that fear is closely related to pain, resistance and procrastination. I invite you to become strategic in how you approach your tasks. If something brings up fear, consciously develop ways so you (and others) can double-check your work. This will help — a lot.

Now it’s your turn. Do you find that you’re procrastinating on some task? Is it anticipated pain or that you do not know how to do something? How can you limit the scope of your first actions? How can you get started in a small way? How can you set it up that someone can help you watch your back?

(For more on how to break free of procrastination, see my 6th Anniversary edition book Soar! Nothing Can Stop You This Year. Look inside this book when you CLICK HERE.)

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Are You Addicted? How You Can Rise to Real Success

Light the Candle of Awareness

Light the Candle of Awareness

My client, Mary, described her pattern after work of watching more and more TV shows and losing sleep. I asked her:

“Are you addicted?”

What is one sign of addiction? You need more and more of something for it to give you a “high” or at least to help you feel “okay.” Here’s another sign: the behavior is working for you less and less.

We’re talking about this in the context of “Be Heard and Be Trusted.” If you get to the point that you cannot trust yourself, you will radiate an energy of “untrustworthy.” So it’s really valuable to confront the necessary questions and even to get help if necessary.

Another question that comes up is: “What pain are you trying to numb so you do not have to feel it?”

Consider: Are you in distress? Are you overwhelmed? Or stressed out—or even burned out?

Questions like those above may be the tip of the iceberg. A number of us may find it helpful to work with a therapist.

As an Executive Coach, I have some clients who work with me and a therapist.

This reminds me of a dentist who saved my sweetheart’s life. How? He noticed that she had certain discoloration in her mouth. It turned out that she had Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura. So a dentist referred my sweetheart (his client) to a medical doctor.

Similarly, an Executive Coach can refer a client to seek a consultation with a mental health professional.

My point here is: It’s valuable to observe your behavior and see what may be an area of concern.

Here’s another sign of addiction: You’re doing so much of the addiction-related behavior that the rest of your life is going upside down. I’ve even noticed this concern for myself. I like to write. Still, I make sure to get my other work done so that writing does NOT take over my life.

In this section, we’re not going to be able to cover the deep details of extreme addiction.

For now, let’s talk about something mild.

If you find that you’re leaning toward addiction-like behavior, observe whether you’re becoming rigid in your behavior-pattern.

If you get extremely frustrated that you cannot do your set pattern, you might be in the middle of some form of addiction.

Certainly, we realize that addiction to drugs (including alcohol) can devastate a life. A serious intervention may be necessary.

In closing, I’m acting as your Executive Coach in that I’m bringing up something that may be impacting your ability to rise higher and higher in success and happiness.

The truth is: It’s often best to keep a log of your behavior. Why? Because without a log, we only have a vague idea. Such an idea may not reflect the reality of your situation.

I’ll give another example. I keep a log of my sleep because then I can make sure to get more sleep if I have too few hours on a particular night.

From interviews with successful people, I’ve observed that people who create sustainable success have a full support system. Additionally, they face reality and take action to pull themselves together if they “drift” away from healthy living.

Take great care of yourself.
Make sure that you stay strong, and you release yourself from any chains!

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Be Your Mighty Self

Tom Marcoux addresses Stanford University PhDs and PhD-candidates on the topic "Soar with Confidence"

Tom Marcoux addresses Stanford University PhDs and PhD-candidates on the topic “Soar with Confidence”

“I can’t do that,” my client Beverly said.

“Really? Who makes the rules?” I asked.

In my work as an Executive Coach and the Spoken Word Strategist, I encounter clients who have allowed somebody’s limiting ideas to become their own. Often, a simple, powerful question can make the real difference.

Ask yourself:

What would my Mighty Self do?

First … who is your Mighty Self? It’s that part of you that is naturally brilliant and courageous.

On the other hand, so many of us, live too much of the time in our ego, which is made of fear.

The answer is to condition yourself to shift out of your first fearful thoughts.

I talked with “Janet,” a new author — and I asked her, “How about you ask [best-selling author] to consider giving you an endorsement for your book?”

“No. That best-selling author won’t listen to me. That author won’t care,” Janet replied.
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Well … I guess I don’t know for sure,” Janet said.
“Who is talking, when you said, ‘that author won’t listen to me’?” I asked.
“I don’t … I guess I’m thinking of my father who said, ‘You’re no good at that,’” Janet replied.
“Okay. I hear that,” I began. “We need you to connect with something else. Somebody else. Here’s a whole, different point of view for you. Listen carefully. What would Your Mighty Self do?”
Janet paused. Then her eyes got wider, and she said, “My Mighty Self would make the call and would send the email. Or reach out on Facebook.”
“That’s right!” I said, full of enthusiasm.

 

To Connect with Your Mighty Self, You Need a Powerful Source of Energy

Recently, I heard someone say, “This is the best day of my life.”

How about that? What would be part of YOUR best day in life?

  • Who would you be with?
  • What would you be doing?
  • What would be so exciting?
  • What would be fun?
  • What pulls you forward?

Sometimes, I ask, “What’s shiny?” And then I say, “That’s your Golden Pull Goal. It pulls you forward. It’s a powerful source of energy.

How are you going to make a Best Day happen?

Actually, in my work with clients, I do not emphasize a whole day. I invite my client to create “many happy moments.” One client imagined feeling the moments of joy seeing his daughter’s delighted face—walking into Disneyland.

Your Mighty Self is Ignited by “Best Day Details”!

 

A Secret for a Certain Group of Individuals:

Think of someone you care about. A romantic partner or friend or family member.

What would make up the best day for that loved one’s life?

Now, you have something interesting to work with and to create with.

Some of us are hard-wired as a “for-the-team” person (that’s my term). That is, you’ll do much more for a loved one than for oneself. If that’s you, put that truth to full use. By this I mean, you connect with Your Mighty Self by tying something great for a loved one with your business goals.

It can be as simple as “20% of every sale I make goes to my daughter’s college fund.”

Or … we’ll launch this new product and devote a portion of the income from sales so I can take my wife on that Alaska-cruise she wants so much.

 

Your Mighty Self is about Positive Possibilities and Shaking Free of Fear.

If your first thought arises from fear with: “I don’t know how to do this. Even if I try, it will fall apart” … then condition yourself to have an Empowered Second Thought.

Such Empowered Second Thoughts can be:

  • I can learn whatever I need to learn.
  • I can adapt and come back stronger and better.
  • I have a Mighty Purpose and I’m strengthened by the Good in the Universe

My friend, you are NOT stuck.
You do have new opportunities ahead.
You can focus on Your Mighty Self.

Years ago, the song belted out by Mighty Mouse included: “Yes! I’ve come to save the day!”

Make your day better.
Remember … What would my Mighty Self do?

Then take empowered action.

Warmly,

Tom

* See my new book Year of Awesome! How You Can Use 12 Success Principles including 10 Seconds to Wealth  (CLICK HERE to look inside the book)

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Overcome Self-Sabotage -- Use the techniques from Tom Marcoux's book "The Power of Confidence"

Overcome Self-Sabotage — Use the techniques from Tom Marcoux’s book “The Power of Confidence”

“I get so close and then I sabotage myself!” my new client Anna said. I’ve helped a number of clients and audience members release themselves from the stranglehold of self-sabotage.

We’ll use the C.A.L.L. process:

C – call it out
A – arrange support
L – leverage your good actions
L – live using a “buffer”

  1. Call it out

When I say, “call it out,” I mean identify the behavior as self-sabotage. For example, I’ve met business owners who delude themselves and find anything (that is, ANYTHING) other than doing the marketing and selling that their business needs for surviving and thriving. The answer is for business owners to call it out: “I’m hesitating to make the follow-up phone call. I feel like doing some filing now. That would be self-sabotage. I’m stronger than that!”

When you call out the self-sabotage, you can ask an Empowering Question: “How can I be stronger than this—in this Moment?”

The answer may be as simple as: “I’ll stand up now for this phone call” or “I’ll have a drink of water.”

When you call out some behavior as self-sabotage, you can look deeper. I’ve noticed that self-sabotage can arise from fear. In fact, some time ago, my sweetheart said, “Tom, what are you afraid of?” At the time, I didn’t like the question, but then I noticed that when I identified the fear its power diminished. I could pull out a sheet of paper and identify what I could do to lessen possible impacts. For example, one time I experimented with holding a workshop in a far off city for the first time. I had people who were going to co-present. What was my fear?–that no one would attend. What was my solution? If no one attended, I’d call it a private coaching session for my co-presenters! I would still deliver value to my co-presenters. I was ready for a tough outcome. (By the way, people did attend and praised the event!)

Now it’s your turn. What can you do to “call out” and label self-sabotage when it rises up in your day?

  1. Arrange support

Some people think that it’s somehow noble to “go it alone.” Really? What if you’re sick? Is it smart to get no help? No accurate diagnosis and no life-saving medication? Certainly, we realize the value of getting appropriate help from a doctor.

As an Executive Coach and the Spoken Word Strategist, I help people rise above and become even better than their first imaginings. Realize this: No Olympic athlete competes without a coach. None! I know, I’m the Executive Coach to a sports psychologist who has coached several gold medalists.

Picture this. When you want to stretch your legs, you use something as support—a chair, the floor, or a barre (that’s the handrail that a ballerina uses).

With my clients, I provide well-timed questions to help them uncover unique ways for them to stretch and have the support in their lives they need.

Now it’s your turn. How will you arrange support in your own life? Who can coach you so you take action that is BETTER than old, self-defeating patterns? (Support can be a friend who takes walks with you—or even a therapist who helps you release old pain and step forward in life.)

  1. Leverage your good actions

Leverage is about putting in a small amount of effort and getting big, valuable results. You could use a lever and move a boulder. That is, if you put the fulcrum in the right place, you’d only need to use a small bit of effort.

When I’m talking about “leverage your good actions,” I’m talking about adopting a winning mindset. Such a winning mindset is the combination of well-placed fulcrum and lever. For example, successful people I’ve interviewed emphasize the value of follow-up. Many people find follow-up to be a chore. I’ve emphasized with my clients, a better approach. I call it “Follow-Good.” It begins with the question: “How can I make this a good interaction for the other person and me?” You look for ways to be a welcome presence in other people’s lives.

Using “Follow-Good” transforms follow-up calls into something positive in your life.

Even if someone may not become a client, they get value from talking with you so they become a good source of referrals.

Let’s take this further. What are you already doing that works well in your life? See if you can expand on that. For example, I eat salad for breakfast. Research at Stanford University shows that one’s willpower is strongest, early in the day. So I take no chances! — I eat salad when I feel strong.

Now it’s your turn. How can you focus on what you’re doing well and expand your positive actions from there?

  1. Live using a “buffer”

One synonym for “buffer” is “cushion”—and we’ve heard the phrase “Give yourself a cushion of time.” Here we’ll take this idea a step further.

I’ve described the process to my clients in this way:

“Imagine a ruler with “A” marking one inch. “B” is two inches. And so forth. You’re at point “A”—you stretch to your right past points B, C, and D. Now pull back to point C. Why? To give yourself a ‘buffer’ or ‘cushion.’ You need a reserve of energy. (Yes, that’s the space between C and D.) If point D is the edge of your energy, that’s a danger point. Instead, always seek to have a reserve of energy because tough surprises occur.”

If you stretch yourself too thin, you’re on the edge of disaster. Do NOT let this happen.

Make sure you supply your buffer (or cushion) with enough sleep, exercise, good nutrition and quiet time each day.

Authors and researchers have noted:

  • Tired people make mistakes.
  • Tired people avoid taking appropriate risks (Why? They don’t have the energy.)
  • Tired people do not have the brain capacity to be aware of surprise opportunities.

Letting yourself live on the edge without enough sleep (for example) is truly self-sabotage.

Here’s another vital point: You need to have some “pure fun” in your life. Why? Because when you live only a harsh, overly-disciplined life, it is likely that your inner child (the source of your energy) is going to eventually “act out.”

What is “acting out”? It can be any of the self-sabotage-behaviors including:

  • Binging with food, TV, video games and something else
  • Getting angry and treating someone in a harsh manner
  • Taking bad risks (including unprotected sex, for example)

Take care of your inner child, then you can avoid that part of you “acting out.”

Your inner child wants to “be heard.” And your inner child wants some fun—and time off!

Now it’s your turn. How will you take better care of yourself? How would you treat yourself better—as if you were caring for a close friend? Take out a journal and write down “Inner child, what do you want?” Note your answers. (I just did this. And as soon as I complete this article, I’m going to watch a couple scenes from one of my favorite, silly movies from my collection of various films.)

*  *  *  *  *  *

Remember, call out your self-sabotage-behaviors. Do what’s necessary to keep yourself strong.

Warmly,

Tom

* See my new book Year of Awesome! How You Can Use 12 Success Principles including 10 Seconds to Wealth  (CLICK HERE to look inside the book)

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Use the Secret to Remove Something That Drains Your Energy

New book by Tom Marcoux: Year of Awesome!

New book by Tom Marcoux: Year of Awesome!

While I was teaching a college level Comparative Religion course, I had an epiphany. I realized that one can deal with the Existential Plights (death, responsibility, freedom, meaninglessness) with these Divine Gifts (love, forgiveness, humility, grace, faith, art). I felt a surge of enthusiasm–so I wrote a book on this process, titled Year of Awesome! [CLICK HERE for more about this book.]

Here I’l share something valuable so you can shift your thoughts out of a negative spiral.

As an entrepreneur, I’ve worked on a number of projects. Sometimes a project does not bring in the income one hoped for. Some projects do not break even.

So I often use these two approaches.

a) “What did I learn? What will I do better next time?”
b) “Let it go. It does not matter.”

a) “What did I learn? What will I do better next time?”

When I ask these two questions, I immediately shift my thoughts to something I can build on. I can build on lessons I’ve learned. For example, I’ve learned to be careful of budgets. With the right budget, a project may fail, but other projects may cover the costs.

b) “Let it go. It does not matter.”

Certainly, some mistakes hurt and cost a lot. Still, on the scale of a lifetime, we can get to the place of “it does not matter.” First, the loss is in the past. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “The past is the wake behind the boat. It is not the engine. It does not drive the boat.”

You can even ask yourself, “Will I be thinking about this mistake next year? — or ten years from now?”

My own intention is to move forward so the error will be something that I do NOT dwell upon.

To guard your energy, guard your thinking patterns.

Choose to think about what empowers you.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , ,

Use the One Step for Big Success

“I long for the big leap upwards to success,” my client Muriel said. We talked for a time about what success really means to her. Then I said, “It comes down to one question: Where’s the pain, power, and recovery?”

The one step for big success is to engage your full capacities for thoughts, feelings and intuition—by asking yourself “Where’s the pain, power and recovery?”

To make a breakthrough, we look at these three vital elements.

  1. Pain

Where’s the real problem?

My client Amanda told me her mother’s mean remarks created a real problem for her.

Amanda and I had a detailed conversation, and I asked questions including:

  • Is the pain coming from your expectations?
  • Do you expect your mother to change?
  • Can you get your support from elsewhere?
  • Can you make yourself stronger so you do NOT need her approval?
  • Can you learn to shift the direction of your thoughts to something that empowers you in the present moment?

My point here is that often we jump to a conclusion as to what the real problem is.

The truth is: When you truly nurture yourself and shift your habitual thoughts you can often release yourself from “needing someone’s approval.”

If Amanda realizes (in this particular case) that her mother has no intention of being kind or pleasant, then Amanda can reduce her exposure to her mother’s negativity. Further, Amanda starts devoting time to nurture her friendships and to make space to feel her friends’ support.

Now it’s your turn. What is your real problem? Is it something or someone outside yourself? Is it your own perceptions? (Sometimes, we DO have choices. We just don’t like our choices.)

  1. Power

Often your power is in your well-chosen Action. When you blame someone else for your lack of success or lack of feeling happy, it’s a losing pattern. Blame sets up the blamer to feel like a victim.

Instead, see how you can take control of your own actions and responses.

For example, my client Sandra decided to stop waiting for people to offer her roles in film or television. She produced a few short films and placed them on YouTube.com, We learn by doing. In fact, the acclaimed screenwriter-director Quentin Tarantino discovered his knack for writing dialogue while he was preparing scenes for acting classes. His friends noted that his writing was just as effective as material written for several produced feature films.

Now it’s your turn. What small action can you take so you shift away from blaming anyone or anything for you’re being stuck?

  1. Recovery

We can often handle difficult times when we have reserves of energy. Your plan of action is incomplete if you do not schedule times for recovery. For many of us, watching television is not truly refreshing. Taking a walk with a loved one and having a conversation can be uplifting.

I know a couple of elderly people who stay in their homes all day long. They fail to realize that walking outdoors will give them new sights and sounds—and will lift their spirits. As an Executive Coach, I help my clients design their weeks to include times for renewal AND preparation for the High Impact Moments of their lives. (High Impact Moments include giving a presentation; leading a team during a meeting; talking with direct reports or one’s supervisor; meeting with someone who could be a great client and more.)

Additionally, consider activities that you can do on your own. These become like foundational pillars that you can rely on each day. Some people will paint, write in a gratitude journal, do some knitting, or even color in an coloring book designed for adults. Meditation or prayer (some quiet-time) can help us feel renewed. A simple walk at lunchtime can do much to refresh us. A 20 minute power-nap can help, too. (Some research suggest that a 60-minute nap is more helpful for one’s cognitive memory processing.)

To really rise up and fulfill our potential for success and happiness, we do better when we rotate challenge, activity and recovery.
Real power is in rotating challenge, activity and recovery.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
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Use the Real Secret to More Prosperity

Yes! You can increase your income!

Yes! You can increase your income!

“What will make a breakthrough for me to have more prosperity?” my client Anne asked.

I introduced her to what I call “On Time Airport Commitments (OTA).”

“People who call themselves average have a form of commitment that they always complete,” I said.

“What?” Anne asked.

“They are on time to get on a plane at the airport,” I continued.

Getting to the airport on time, for many people, is a “special commitment.” A number of individuals will be late for lunch with a friend, but they will be on time to avoid missing their flight.

The truth is: The successful people I’ve interviewed have more commitments in their personal “OTA Commitments box.”

I’ve noticed that I’ve put more daily commitments into my OTA box including: sit-ups, pushups, using a sinus rinse, writing a certain number of words per day and more.

My clients have placed these actions into their OTA Commitments box:

  • Walk 10,000 steps per day
  • Make 10 marketing phone calls a day (five days a week)
  • Thank one’s spouse every day for something
  • Praise one’s girlfriend about something each day

A special note: How do you choose what to be an OTA Commitment? First connect to what you want – deep in your heart. Identify what daily actions will manifest what you want.

As an Executive Coach, I help my clients create more success AND fulfillment. I take them from “cloudy” to clarity. I ask well-selected questions. I often ask “what”-questions and not “why” questions. I’ve observed that when you ask why, in response the person jumps out of their heart and into their head to deliver an answer that “sounds good.”

Instead, I ask:

  • What do you really want?
  • When you’re doing that [action], what will you feel?
  • What feels good about that?
  • What do you get from that?

Now it’s your turn. What do you really want? What OTA Commitment (daily action) will get that for you?

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Use the Power to Shift Out of Worry!

Become flexible. Get Tom Marcoux 's book "Time Management Secrets the Rich Won't Tell You"

Become flexible. Get Tom Marcoux ‘s book “Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You”

“I haven’t heard that before. Would you repeat it?” an audience member asked. I answered, “If you’re looking for a good romantic partner, you’ll do well with someone who is kind and flexible.”

To remain flexible, it’s helpful to learn how to quiet down worry and fear. When we quiet down worry, we have more options in terms of what we do with our next breath and our next moment. We stay flexible.

I’ve have worried over these situations:

  • girlfriend has a biopsy – is it cancer?
  • another loved one has a biopsy – what’s going to happen next?
  • my mother has three surgeries related to breast cancer
  • my sweetheart has a disease that is only solved (after one month in the hospital) by having her spleen removed. (The spleen was destroying her platelets.)
  • I undergo minor surgery—but they still have me unconscious—and they had me sign a waiver (in case something goes wrong on the operating table).

Still, I used something that I learned years ago from the late Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. He told me, “It’s not that I don’t get stressed out. I just don’t stay there very long.”

So I’ve had moments of worry and fear and then I shift my thoughts with: “Until the data is in, I’ll act as if it’s Good News.”

I am not claiming that using an idea to shift out of worry is easy. It’s not easy; still, it is useful.

 

An Example of Using the Mind to Shift Thoughts
Years ago, when I was both directing a feature film and portraying a lead character I had a surprising moment while I was acting in a scene.

Just before filming the scene, my dear girlfriend had stormed off the set. We were in big trouble. Still, I had to go to work. We only had a few days to film with the crew and actors.

In a distraught state of mind,  I did my lines and felt a surge of intense, painful feelings. Tears welled up in my eyes. I said, in a voice that sounded like a sob, “Get me a white wall.”

My co-producer later told me that crew members thought that I had succumbed to the pressure of directing my first feature film. “He’s lost it!”

Still, the crew responded. They got a slab of wood (painted white) to place behind my head. And I did a close-up shot in which my character told a horrible story (this was like a brief monologue).

My mind could shift to big painful feelings (my fatigue and my feeling upset over my girlfriend’s storming off the set). And my mind (as the feature film director) could shift to Scene 89. I knew that as an actor I was in the best frame of mind to portray my character telling his extreme experience. As a boatperson, my character saw the death of a mother on the boat bound for the United States of America. In tears, my character says, “We put the mother into the water. Her baby cried. She’d never see her momma again. I had to help…” My character had to help in tossing the mother’s body overboard.

My point in relaying this story of filmmaking is to share that our minds CAN shift. My mind could do double-duty as actor and as director.

I’m inviting you to consider the value of flexibility.

On the set of the feature film, I used certain phrases to shift my thoughts.

If you find yourself confronted with a situation where worry arises, you might be able to shift your thoughts for some moments of relief. Perhaps, you can use some phrase like: “Until the data is in, I’ll act as if it’s Good News.”

The point here is: If a biopsy (for example) yields bad news, then, you trust yourself that you’ll adapt then—if that time arrives.

Using the phrase “Until the data is in…” is actually a form of kindness to yourself. By the way, if you’re not miserable, you’ll avoid spreading misery!

I further realized this some years ago. My elderly mother has the habit of waving from her apartment window. I had a flash forward image that someday my mother will not be alive and will not be at that window. If I focus on this, I can get myself to cry on cue.

However, I do NOT want to cry at this moment so I will not fixate on that thought.

And this leads to my closing point in this conversation. Worry is NOT caring. Worry is fixating on an idea.

You and I can care for another person and stay in this moment and stop jumping into a possible, scary future (that’s worrying!).

Now it’s your turn. What ideas can help you shift from worrying into something that is present-moment focused?

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Use a Real Secret of Success that Few Talk About

Improve your life. Tom Marcoux 's book "Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity"

Improve your life. Tom Marcoux ‘s book “Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity”

“What can help me get out of this slump?” my friend Franklin asked.

“Memorize empowering phrases and condition yourself to switch the direction of your thoughts,” I replied.

“Isn’t that the old idea of using ‘affirmations.’ I don’t like that. They don’t work for me,” Franklin said.

“I hear you. We all must find things that work for us in the present moment. My point is that I’ve learned to use a phrase to switch to empowered thinking—to help me make a new, better choice. With better thinking, I actually avoid falling into a valley of no energy and sadness,” I continued.

The idea is to choose a phrase to Switch the direction of your thoughts. [By the way, researchers demonstrate that this is how we purposely create new neural pathways in our brain.]

For example, as an Executive Coach, I’ve worked with clients who were stuck. That was their story. I invited them to change their story. Pick a new story.

For example, I was at dinner with a friend and her parents. The person at the cash register failed to type in the father’s order of two pieces of fried chicken.

At the table, while we were eating, I saw the oversight and reached into my pocket preparing to get up and order my friend’s father the pieces of chicken.

He said, “No. I don’t want them. They haven’t listened to me three times. No, I’m done eating.”

How sad! This older man’s story is: “I am a victim. People do not listen to me. I am done.”

Even when I offered to make the situation better, this man wanted no correction and no improvement to his victim-story.

What is the opposite of a “victim story”? It’s an owner story. It’s a story of “I own my own journey. I can devote efforts to make things better. Sometimes I win; sometimes I lose. Still, I can be proud of myself for being assertive and speaking up.” Author Steve Chandler calls this “being an owner not a victim.”

Part of being an “owner” of your journey is to study how to make your life better. I continually study some of the best wisdom material. Then I boil it down to something that I can memorize.

For example, in some of my speeches, I share my phrase: the “3 i’s—Initiate, Inspire, Innovate.”

I deliberately chose to place “initiate” before “inspire.”

Why? Because I agree with this statement:

Inspiration usually comes during work rather than before it –  Madeleine L’Engle

If I had waited for inspiration, I would not have written 36 books. Instead, I initiate. I just start writing whether inspired or not. Much of the time, as a professional writer, I start writing when I’m “not in the mood.”

A few weeks ago, I got stuck. I started three different blog articles. Nothing was good enough. Then I realized that perfectionism was hurting me. I asked myself two questions: 1) Am I telling the truth? and 2) Can this help someone? The answers were “yes” — and I got unstuck, wrote and posted a blog article.

What phrase are you going to memorize so you can shift to empowered thinking? How will you improve your daily life?

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of What the Rich Don’t Say about Getting Rich: Work Smarter, Live Better (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Secrets for a Great TED Talk and Beyond — Communicate Powerfully!

Express your charisma, and success is yours.

Express your charisma, refine your talk, and success is yours.

“Help me prepare to give a compelling TED Talk,” Sharon, a client, asked me. That was the third time in two days that one of my clients asked for this kind of help.

“I have 7 Questions for a Great TED Talk” that will help you zero-in on your unique speech that will energize your audience,” I replied. Serving clients as both Executive Coach and Spoken Word Strategist, I formulated …

7 Questions for a Great TED Talk:

  1. What have you learned that makes you go “Ooh! Oh, really? Wow!” (How can you communicate that in a Powerful Story?)
  2. What is the big thing that, in working with clients, has surprised you?
  3. What is something that you’ve done that has unleashed a surprising, hidden power?
  4. Picture someone you care about. Answer this question: What is it that you absolutely have to communicate to them to make their life better?
  5. What turned your original thinking upside down?
  6. What can you save people from?
  7. What do you know that others do NOT know? And how is that going to serve me, the listener?

I often work with people transforming themselves to become professional speakers. I bring my over 15 years as a professional speaker, author of 35 books and member of the National Speakers Association to the table. Because I know what it is to be a guest lecturer at Stanford University, I work on my speeches and rehearsals daily.

The essence of giving a great TED Talk or any other speech is that you need to fully commit. Imagine this: How many times have you missed a flight at the airport? Some people say, “I’ve never missed a flight.”

However, how many of us have been late for coffee with a friend? Many of us. Why? Because being on time for coffee is not in the same “commitment box” as being on time for a flight.

I invite you to fully commit, and you begin that process by using the above 7 Questions.

TEDx Talks have been as short as 9 minutes. In that spirit, I’ll be brief. I have one more question:

If you know that your next speech is your last speech on this planet, what MUST you express and leave as your legacy?

A Question can take you to great heights of effectiveness and feeling personal fulfillment. Yes, a Question can even open the door for you to feel happy!

Write your answers down. Today. Now.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 35 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What Question Makes a Big Difference for Your Success?

“I feel stuck,” Marion, a new client said.
“I have a question for you,” I replied.
“What story are you telling that is in your way?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“We get stuck frequently when we keep telling the tired story that holds us in a cage,” I continued.

When I was a shy boy, I told myself: “I’m scared. The seniors (at a retirement home) are going to think I’m stupid, if I make mistakes playing this piano.” What did that do? It got me shaking. My right leg fluttered as fast as a hummingbird’s wings.

On the other hand, I do NOT tell that same story (to myself now), as a professional speaker and member of the National Speakers Association for over 15 years.

What’s the difference? I tell myself the story of “I’m here to be helpful to the audience members. If I make an error, I can adapt and flow with it.” [I rehearse often every week so I am ready to adapt.]

Recently, as an Executive Coach, I was working with a client who was giving a lot of resistance. I said, “I’m curious. I’m not sure what is this mud that is holding you back. Let me share with you one of my favorite quotes: In truth, I am a verb.” (from Steve Chandler)

I went on to explain that we are NOT a label like “shy boy” or “indecisive.”

Instead, we are a VERB. If you act in courageous ways, you are courageous.

If you act in decisive ways, you are decisive.

Now it’s your turn. What story are you telling yourself that’s keeping you in a rut? How can you turn this around? How can you apply the principle “I am a VERB”? How can you take a small action in the direction of more and better in your life?

Be selective of the stories that you tell. This can be profound. For example, some people get attention when they tell their “poor me” or “victim” story.

On the other hand, I know someone who has a different form of story. She said, “My brother beat on me when I was young. That led to my asking my parents for karate lessons. That opened a whole new world for me.”

So the story becomes one of eventual blessing and triumph.

Take a small step forward so you have a new, empowering story.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 35 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Step So You’ll Feel Better and Expand Your Success

Get ready to race forward!

Get ready to race forward!

“Is there one action that could make a big difference in my finally breaking out to real success?” my client Veronica asked.
During our conversation, I brought some principles to her attention.
• Act like your own best friend
• Break out of the perfectionism trap
• Answer “What will bring you peace?”

1. Act like your own best friend
“My mother hates my lamb stew,” my friend Cindy said.
“Wait a minute. Doesn’t your mother simply dislike lamb at all?” I asked.
“Yeah, but–”
“I hear your ‘yeah, but.’ Would you pause for a moment?” I asked.
“Okay.”
“I’ve heard you do this before. You express things in the manner of ‘Cindy’s at fault’ or ‘Cindy’s work is not good enough.’ To put it in few words, you’re not being kind to yourself.”
I invite you to be a friend to yourself. What does that entail? Be kind to yourself. Listen to see if you’re needlessly berating yourself and—STOP THAT.
Encourage yourself.
Now it’s your turn. Are you being a good friend to yourself? Do you take good care of yourself? What can you do to strengthen yourself? How about enough sleep, good nutrition, appropriate exercise—and time away from negative people?

2. Break out of the perfectionism trap
Recently, I started three different blog articles. I didn’t feel that they measured up. Then I caught myself and said, “Break out of the perfectionism trap.”
It’s better to Set Criteria for Excellence.
My criteria for excellence includes a) tell the truth and b) express something that can help the reader.
Good. I can do that. Hence, we have this article here.
Now it’s your turn. Are your preventing yourself from getting something done because you’re caught up in perfectionism? What would you choose to do if you Set Criteria for Excellence?

3. Answer “What will bring you peace?”
At one point, as an Executive Coach, I was working with a client who felt frustrated and surprised that her recent big accomplishment didn’t bring the happiness she was expecting.
I said, “Don’t hesitate. Tell me right now. What will bring you peace, Serena?”
“I don’t know— ”
“Don’t tell me a story. Just talk,” I said.
“Oh. All right. Uh, a walk in trees.”
“Trees. Got it.”
“Reading. In a hot bath. Kicking back,” Serena said.
“Good. Continue.”
“Maybe going back to the yoga class.”
“Continue.”
“Knitting?”
“Are you asking me? Or telling me?”
“Knitting.”
“In silence? With music?”
“Sometimes in quiet. Sometimes with music,” Serena said, now smiling.
“Okay. Send me an email after you’ve done one of those things in the next three to four hours.”
“I like this!” Serena said.
Now it’s your turn. What will bring you peace? What will you put in your day planner and actually do?
Remember:
• Act like your own best friend
• Break out of the perfectionism trap
• Answer “What will bring you peace?”

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 33 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Learn about Emotion-Motion Life Hacks in this 1.8 min. Video:
Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
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How You CAN Get Unstuck and Unleash New Opportunities for Yourself

Discover new possibilities: Tom Marcoux 's new book "The Hidden Power of the AND-Universe"

Discover new possibilities: Tom Marcoux ‘s new book “The Hidden Power of the AND-Universe”

Have you ever offered a friend a new idea and the person shot it down quickly? Perhaps, you started with “Have you tried…?”

And your friend said, “No. I tried that” or “That won’t work.”

Here’s something worse: You likely carry an inner critic/cynic that shoots down ideas that could uplift your life.

How can we deal with such an inner critic who strangles possibilities and even prevents you from thinking in new empowering ways? As an Executive Coach, one of the major processes I offer a client is to ask a well-formed question to open new possibilities for the person.

Here are two questions that often lead to clients’ enjoying transformation. [I say, “I’m in the business of transformation; I’m not in the business of Band-Aids.”]

  • What do you think is real that may not be true?
  • How can you make it a game you can win?

1) What do you think is real that may not be true?

“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.”  – Richard Bach

How do you know something is real? Many of us base our perceptions on past experiences. I have even seen this pattern in so-called “experts.” Many experts talk while they look at a “rearview mirror of history.”

Think about it. People who create innovations are not stuck in “rearview-mirror thinking”! There was a time before iTunes, and then Steve Jobs, with his vision, moved through the resistance of many in the music industry. Then, after Steve Jobs’ persistence, we could have a song instantly available for just 99 cents.

How do you react when you hear a new idea?

Do you often react with “Oh, that won’t work”?

Consider using these questions:

  • Is this true?
  • How do I know this is true?
  • Is it possible for something else to occur?
  • Does someone on this planet have a different perception of this thing?

Years ago, I had a particular friend “George” who would shoot down any new idea. His whole approach was rigid.

I once asked, “Don’t you think it’s helpful to hear ideas from someone who doesn’t think in your pattern of thinking?”

Ultimately, George drifted away and out of my life. What a relief!

Just before he removed himself from my life, he said, “Where did my energy go? I had more energy in the ‘80s.”

In a conversation with him, I noted, “You were dedicated to something beyond yourself.” I added, “Have you found someone new to serve?”


Now it’s your turn.
Do you have anyone in your circle who can offer you new ideas? Does anyone in your circle challenge you to think in new ways? What do you read or watch on TV? Do you only look for agreement instead of looking to explore new possibilities?

 

2) How can you make it a game you can win?

Several years ago, I was part of the team that set up the first bank with online banking. We did well. The management team said “Good work” and “Goodbye” to 30 team members. All of us were laid off.

I learned a number of things from that experience. One lesson related to my role as an operations analyst. You can do your best, succeed with the project and be dropped by a corporation.

I prefer to build my own company because I make choices and learn—and build new skills and new possibilities.

My point is: Many of us have fallen into a pattern by default. Recently, I read part of a memoir of a CEO. He said that he had fallen into being a CEO. Then, at one point, he allowed inspiration and intuition inform his transformation.

It happened on a plane. He was reading an article on his way to an interview toward being the CEO of yet another company. While reading the article, he realized that he wanted new and different for his life. Just taking another position as a CEO would have become “same old, same old.” Worse—he would feel dead inside.

Right there, on the plane, he made the decision to take his life into a whole new direction. He decided to become a coach to help others live their dreams and not by default. Yes—he sold the mansion and moved into an apartment with his wife (their children had already grown and moved out).

Here’s my point: You can’t “win the game” while you feel dead inside!

The late Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “You can NOT get enough of what you do not really want.” He said that when he had difficulty with drinking alcohol, he could never drink enough to make himself really feel better. He did not want more alcohol. He wanted a life of purpose, inner peace and joy.

 

Now it’s your turn. How are you living this chapter of your life? Are you devoting too much time and effort to what you do NOT really want? How can you make some small changes? How can you “make it a game you can win?” [Perhaps, you might feel better with this phrase: How can you change the pattern of your actions so you can enjoy each day?—the challenges and the fun parts of each day.]

*  *  *

When I speak on the topic, “Get Real or Get Hurt: Get False Stuff Out of Your Way and Succeed,” I identify these three details:

Myth: It’s okay to let any automatic cynicism shut down whether you consider new ideas or new possibilities.

A Way You Can Get Hurt: You can miss out on rising to a new level of success and happiness.

Get Real Principle: Consciously, double-check if how you’re living is a source of positive challenge, accomplishment and even time to just breathe and enjoy happy moments. And if you feel unsettled, use that as fuel to explore new ideas, new possibilities and new actions.

I have another note about “What do you think is real that may not be true?” Today, I worked with a client on her speech about overcoming fear. I asked, “If fear should not be in control of your life, what is better to control your life?”

“My heart,” she replied.

[That’s how I often work with someone on his or her speech. I help the person express something from the heart—when I ask helpful questions.]

In conclusion, if fear is shutting down possibilities, ask yourself, “What could I make happen that is new—when I sidestep fear and move forward, listening to my heart?”

Warmly,

Tom

P.S. For more inspiration, see my new book The Hidden Power of the AND-Universe: Abundance, Happiness, Prosperity – Along Your Spiritual Path. (Look inside the book when you CLICK HERE).

Tom Marcoux 's book "The Hidden Power of the AND- Universe"

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 33 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
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