How to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Overcome Self-Sabotage -- Use the techniques from Tom Marcoux's book "The Power of Confidence"

Overcome Self-Sabotage — Use the techniques from Tom Marcoux’s book “The Power of Confidence”

“I get so close and then I sabotage myself!” my new client Anna said. I’ve helped a number of clients and audience members release themselves from the stranglehold of self-sabotage.

We’ll use the C.A.L.L. process:

C – call it out
A – arrange support
L – leverage your good actions
L – live using a “buffer”

  1. Call it out

When I say, “call it out,” I mean identify the behavior as self-sabotage. For example, I’ve met business owners who delude themselves and find anything (that is, ANYTHING) other than doing the marketing and selling that their business needs for surviving and thriving. The answer is for business owners to call it out: “I’m hesitating to make the follow-up phone call. I feel like doing some filing now. That would be self-sabotage. I’m stronger than that!”

When you call out the self-sabotage, you can ask an Empowering Question: “How can I be stronger than this—in this Moment?”

The answer may be as simple as: “I’ll stand up now for this phone call” or “I’ll have a drink of water.”

When you call out some behavior as self-sabotage, you can look deeper. I’ve noticed that self-sabotage can arise from fear. In fact, some time ago, my sweetheart said, “Tom, what are you afraid of?” At the time, I didn’t like the question, but then I noticed that when I identified the fear its power diminished. I could pull out a sheet of paper and identify what I could do to lessen possible impacts. For example, one time I experimented with holding a workshop in a far off city for the first time. I had people who were going to co-present. What was my fear?–that no one would attend. What was my solution? If no one attended, I’d call it a private coaching session for my co-presenters! I would still deliver value to my co-presenters. I was ready for a tough outcome. (By the way, people did attend and praised the event!)

Now it’s your turn. What can you do to “call out” and label self-sabotage when it rises up in your day?

  1. Arrange support

Some people think that it’s somehow noble to “go it alone.” Really? What if you’re sick? Is it smart to get no help? No accurate diagnosis and no life-saving medication? Certainly, we realize the value of getting appropriate help from a doctor.

As an Executive Coach and the Spoken Word Strategist, I help people rise above and become even better than their first imaginings. Realize this: No Olympic athlete competes without a coach. None! I know, I’m the Executive Coach to a sports psychologist who has coached several gold medalists.

Picture this. When you want to stretch your legs, you use something as support—a chair, the floor, or a barre (that’s the handrail that a ballerina uses).

With my clients, I provide well-timed questions to help them uncover unique ways for them to stretch and have the support in their lives they need.

Now it’s your turn. How will you arrange support in your own life? Who can coach you so you take action that is BETTER than old, self-defeating patterns? (Support can be a friend who takes walks with you—or even a therapist who helps you release old pain and step forward in life.)

  1. Leverage your good actions

Leverage is about putting in a small amount of effort and getting big, valuable results. You could use a lever and move a boulder. That is, if you put the fulcrum in the right place, you’d only need to use a small bit of effort.

When I’m talking about “leverage your good actions,” I’m talking about adopting a winning mindset. Such a winning mindset is the combination of well-placed fulcrum and lever. For example, successful people I’ve interviewed emphasize the value of follow-up. Many people find follow-up to be a chore. I’ve emphasized with my clients, a better approach. I call it “Follow-Good.” It begins with the question: “How can I make this a good interaction for the other person and me?” You look for ways to be a welcome presence in other people’s lives.

Using “Follow-Good” transforms follow-up calls into something positive in your life.

Even if someone may not become a client, they get value from talking with you so they become a good source of referrals.

Let’s take this further. What are you already doing that works well in your life? See if you can expand on that. For example, I eat salad for breakfast. Research at Stanford University shows that one’s willpower is strongest, early in the day. So I take no chances! — I eat salad when I feel strong.

Now it’s your turn. How can you focus on what you’re doing well and expand your positive actions from there?

  1. Live using a “buffer”

One synonym for “buffer” is “cushion”—and we’ve heard the phrase “Give yourself a cushion of time.” Here we’ll take this idea a step further.

I’ve described the process to my clients in this way:

“Imagine a ruler with “A” marking one inch. “B” is two inches. And so forth. You’re at point “A”—you stretch to your right past points B, C, and D. Now pull back to point C. Why? To give yourself a ‘buffer’ or ‘cushion.’ You need a reserve of energy. (Yes, that’s the space between C and D.) If point D is the edge of your energy, that’s a danger point. Instead, always seek to have a reserve of energy because tough surprises occur.”

If you stretch yourself too thin, you’re on the edge of disaster. Do NOT let this happen.

Make sure you supply your buffer (or cushion) with enough sleep, exercise, good nutrition and quiet time each day.

Authors and researchers have noted:

  • Tired people make mistakes.
  • Tired people avoid taking appropriate risks (Why? They don’t have the energy.)
  • Tired people do not have the brain capacity to be aware of surprise opportunities.

Letting yourself live on the edge without enough sleep (for example) is truly self-sabotage.

Here’s another vital point: You need to have some “pure fun” in your life. Why? Because when you live only a harsh, overly-disciplined life, it is likely that your inner child (the source of your energy) is going to eventually “act out.”

What is “acting out”? It can be any of the self-sabotage-behaviors including:

  • Binging with food, TV, video games and something else
  • Getting angry and treating someone in a harsh manner
  • Taking bad risks (including unprotected sex, for example)

Take care of your inner child, then you can avoid that part of you “acting out.”

Your inner child wants to “be heard.” And your inner child wants some fun—and time off!

Now it’s your turn. How will you take better care of yourself? How would you treat yourself better—as if you were caring for a close friend? Take out a journal and write down “Inner child, what do you want?” Note your answers. (I just did this. And as soon as I complete this article, I’m going to watch a couple scenes from one of my favorite, silly movies from my collection of various films.)

*  *  *  *  *  *

Remember, call out your self-sabotage-behaviors. Do what’s necessary to keep yourself strong.

Warmly,

Tom

* See my new book Year of Awesome! How You Can Use 12 Success Principles including 10 Seconds to Wealth  (CLICK HERE to look inside the book)

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
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Use the Secret to Remove Something That Drains Your Energy

New book by Tom Marcoux: Year of Awesome!

New book by Tom Marcoux: Year of Awesome!

While I was teaching a college level Comparative Religion course, I had an epiphany. I realized that one can deal with the Existential Plights (death, responsibility, freedom, meaninglessness) with these Divine Gifts (love, forgiveness, humility, grace, faith, art). I felt a surge of enthusiasm–so I wrote a book on this process, titled Year of Awesome! [CLICK HERE for more about this book.]

Here I’l share something valuable so you can shift your thoughts out of a negative spiral.

As an entrepreneur, I’ve worked on a number of projects. Sometimes a project does not bring in the income one hoped for. Some projects do not break even.

So I often use these two approaches.

a) “What did I learn? What will I do better next time?”
b) “Let it go. It does not matter.”

a) “What did I learn? What will I do better next time?”

When I ask these two questions, I immediately shift my thoughts to something I can build on. I can build on lessons I’ve learned. For example, I’ve learned to be careful of budgets. With the right budget, a project may fail, but other projects may cover the costs.

b) “Let it go. It does not matter.”

Certainly, some mistakes hurt and cost a lot. Still, on the scale of a lifetime, we can get to the place of “it does not matter.” First, the loss is in the past. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “The past is the wake behind the boat. It is not the engine. It does not drive the boat.”

You can even ask yourself, “Will I be thinking about this mistake next year? — or ten years from now?”

My own intention is to move forward so the error will be something that I do NOT dwell upon.

To guard your energy, guard your thinking patterns.

Choose to think about what empowers you.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , ,

Use the One Step for Big Success

“I long for the big leap upwards to success,” my client Muriel said. We talked for a time about what success really means to her. Then I said, “It comes down to one question: Where’s the pain, power, and recovery?”

The one step for big success is to engage your full capacities for thoughts, feelings and intuition—by asking yourself “Where’s the pain, power and recovery?”

To make a breakthrough, we look at these three vital elements.

  1. Pain

Where’s the real problem?

My client Amanda told me her mother’s mean remarks created a real problem for her.

Amanda and I had a detailed conversation, and I asked questions including:

  • Is the pain coming from your expectations?
  • Do you expect your mother to change?
  • Can you get your support from elsewhere?
  • Can you make yourself stronger so you do NOT need her approval?
  • Can you learn to shift the direction of your thoughts to something that empowers you in the present moment?

My point here is that often we jump to a conclusion as to what the real problem is.

The truth is: When you truly nurture yourself and shift your habitual thoughts you can often release yourself from “needing someone’s approval.”

If Amanda realizes (in this particular case) that her mother has no intention of being kind or pleasant, then Amanda can reduce her exposure to her mother’s negativity. Further, Amanda starts devoting time to nurture her friendships and to make space to feel her friends’ support.

Now it’s your turn. What is your real problem? Is it something or someone outside yourself? Is it your own perceptions? (Sometimes, we DO have choices. We just don’t like our choices.)

  1. Power

Often your power is in your well-chosen Action. When you blame someone else for your lack of success or lack of feeling happy, it’s a losing pattern. Blame sets up the blamer to feel like a victim.

Instead, see how you can take control of your own actions and responses.

For example, my client Sandra decided to stop waiting for people to offer her roles in film or television. She produced a few short films and placed them on YouTube.com, We learn by doing. In fact, the acclaimed screenwriter-director Quentin Tarantino discovered his knack for writing dialogue while he was preparing scenes for acting classes. His friends noted that his writing was just as effective as material written for several produced feature films.

Now it’s your turn. What small action can you take so you shift away from blaming anyone or anything for you’re being stuck?

  1. Recovery

We can often handle difficult times when we have reserves of energy. Your plan of action is incomplete if you do not schedule times for recovery. For many of us, watching television is not truly refreshing. Taking a walk with a loved one and having a conversation can be uplifting.

I know a couple of elderly people who stay in their homes all day long. They fail to realize that walking outdoors will give them new sights and sounds—and will lift their spirits. As an Executive Coach, I help my clients design their weeks to include times for renewal AND preparation for the High Impact Moments of their lives. (High Impact Moments include giving a presentation; leading a team during a meeting; talking with direct reports or one’s supervisor; meeting with someone who could be a great client and more.)

Additionally, consider activities that you can do on your own. These become like foundational pillars that you can rely on each day. Some people will paint, write in a gratitude journal, do some knitting, or even color in an coloring book designed for adults. Meditation or prayer (some quiet-time) can help us feel renewed. A simple walk at lunchtime can do much to refresh us. A 20 minute power-nap can help, too. (Some research suggest that a 60-minute nap is more helpful for one’s cognitive memory processing.)

To really rise up and fulfill our potential for success and happiness, we do better when we rotate challenge, activity and recovery.
Real power is in rotating challenge, activity and recovery.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Use the Real Secret to More Prosperity

Yes! You can increase your income!

Yes! You can increase your income!

“What will make a breakthrough for me to have more prosperity?” my client Anne asked.

I introduced her to what I call “On Time Airport Commitments (OTA).”

“People who call themselves average have a form of commitment that they always complete,” I said.

“What?” Anne asked.

“They are on time to get on a plane at the airport,” I continued.

Getting to the airport on time, for many people, is a “special commitment.” A number of individuals will be late for lunch with a friend, but they will be on time to avoid missing their flight.

The truth is: The successful people I’ve interviewed have more commitments in their personal “OTA Commitments box.”

I’ve noticed that I’ve put more daily commitments into my OTA box including: sit-ups, pushups, using a sinus rinse, writing a certain number of words per day and more.

My clients have placed these actions into their OTA Commitments box:

  • Walk 10,000 steps per day
  • Make 10 marketing phone calls a day (five days a week)
  • Thank one’s spouse every day for something
  • Praise one’s girlfriend about something each day

A special note: How do you choose what to be an OTA Commitment? First connect to what you want – deep in your heart. Identify what daily actions will manifest what you want.

As an Executive Coach, I help my clients create more success AND fulfillment. I take them from “cloudy” to clarity. I ask well-selected questions. I often ask “what”-questions and not “why” questions. I’ve observed that when you ask why, in response the person jumps out of their heart and into their head to deliver an answer that “sounds good.”

Instead, I ask:

  • What do you really want?
  • When you’re doing that [action], what will you feel?
  • What feels good about that?
  • What do you get from that?

Now it’s your turn. What do you really want? What OTA Commitment (daily action) will get that for you?

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Use the Power to Shift Out of Worry!

Become flexible. Get Tom Marcoux 's book "Time Management Secrets the Rich Won't Tell You"

Become flexible. Get Tom Marcoux ‘s book “Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You”

“I haven’t heard that before. Would you repeat it?” an audience member asked. I answered, “If you’re looking for a good romantic partner, you’ll do well with someone who is kind and flexible.”

To remain flexible, it’s helpful to learn how to quiet down worry and fear. When we quiet down worry, we have more options in terms of what we do with our next breath and our next moment. We stay flexible.

I’ve have worried over these situations:

  • girlfriend has a biopsy – is it cancer?
  • another loved one has a biopsy – what’s going to happen next?
  • my mother has three surgeries related to breast cancer
  • my sweetheart has a disease that is only solved (after one month in the hospital) by having her spleen removed. (The spleen was destroying her platelets.)
  • I undergo minor surgery—but they still have me unconscious—and they had me sign a waiver (in case something goes wrong on the operating table).

Still, I used something that I learned years ago from the late Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. He told me, “It’s not that I don’t get stressed out. I just don’t stay there very long.”

So I’ve had moments of worry and fear and then I shift my thoughts with: “Until the data is in, I’ll act as if it’s Good News.”

I am not claiming that using an idea to shift out of worry is easy. It’s not easy; still, it is useful.

 

An Example of Using the Mind to Shift Thoughts
Years ago, when I was both directing a feature film and portraying a lead character I had a surprising moment while I was acting in a scene.

Just before filming the scene, my dear girlfriend had stormed off the set. We were in big trouble. Still, I had to go to work. We only had a few days to film with the crew and actors.

In a distraught state of mind,  I did my lines and felt a surge of intense, painful feelings. Tears welled up in my eyes. I said, in a voice that sounded like a sob, “Get me a white wall.”

My co-producer later told me that crew members thought that I had succumbed to the pressure of directing my first feature film. “He’s lost it!”

Still, the crew responded. They got a slab of wood (painted white) to place behind my head. And I did a close-up shot in which my character told a horrible story (this was like a brief monologue).

My mind could shift to big painful feelings (my fatigue and my feeling upset over my girlfriend’s storming off the set). And my mind (as the feature film director) could shift to Scene 89. I knew that as an actor I was in the best frame of mind to portray my character telling his extreme experience. As a boatperson, my character saw the death of a mother on the boat bound for the United States of America. In tears, my character says, “We put the mother into the water. Her baby cried. She’d never see her momma again. I had to help…” My character had to help in tossing the mother’s body overboard.

My point in relaying this story of filmmaking is to share that our minds CAN shift. My mind could do double-duty as actor and as director.

I’m inviting you to consider the value of flexibility.

On the set of the feature film, I used certain phrases to shift my thoughts.

If you find yourself confronted with a situation where worry arises, you might be able to shift your thoughts for some moments of relief. Perhaps, you can use some phrase like: “Until the data is in, I’ll act as if it’s Good News.”

The point here is: If a biopsy (for example) yields bad news, then, you trust yourself that you’ll adapt then—if that time arrives.

Using the phrase “Until the data is in…” is actually a form of kindness to yourself. By the way, if you’re not miserable, you’ll avoid spreading misery!

I further realized this some years ago. My elderly mother has the habit of waving from her apartment window. I had a flash forward image that someday my mother will not be alive and will not be at that window. If I focus on this, I can get myself to cry on cue.

However, I do NOT want to cry at this moment so I will not fixate on that thought.

And this leads to my closing point in this conversation. Worry is NOT caring. Worry is fixating on an idea.

You and I can care for another person and stay in this moment and stop jumping into a possible, scary future (that’s worrying!).

Now it’s your turn. What ideas can help you shift from worrying into something that is present-moment focused?

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Use a Real Secret of Success that Few Talk About

Improve your life. Tom Marcoux 's book "Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity"

Improve your life. Tom Marcoux ‘s book “Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity”

“What can help me get out of this slump?” my friend Franklin asked.

“Memorize empowering phrases and condition yourself to switch the direction of your thoughts,” I replied.

“Isn’t that the old idea of using ‘affirmations.’ I don’t like that. They don’t work for me,” Franklin said.

“I hear you. We all must find things that work for us in the present moment. My point is that I’ve learned to use a phrase to switch to empowered thinking—to help me make a new, better choice. With better thinking, I actually avoid falling into a valley of no energy and sadness,” I continued.

The idea is to choose a phrase to Switch the direction of your thoughts. [By the way, researchers demonstrate that this is how we purposely create new neural pathways in our brain.]

For example, as an Executive Coach, I’ve worked with clients who were stuck. That was their story. I invited them to change their story. Pick a new story.

For example, I was at dinner with a friend and her parents. The person at the cash register failed to type in the father’s order of two pieces of fried chicken.

At the table, while we were eating, I saw the oversight and reached into my pocket preparing to get up and order my friend’s father the pieces of chicken.

He said, “No. I don’t want them. They haven’t listened to me three times. No, I’m done eating.”

How sad! This older man’s story is: “I am a victim. People do not listen to me. I am done.”

Even when I offered to make the situation better, this man wanted no correction and no improvement to his victim-story.

What is the opposite of a “victim story”? It’s an owner story. It’s a story of “I own my own journey. I can devote efforts to make things better. Sometimes I win; sometimes I lose. Still, I can be proud of myself for being assertive and speaking up.” Author Steve Chandler calls this “being an owner not a victim.”

Part of being an “owner” of your journey is to study how to make your life better. I continually study some of the best wisdom material. Then I boil it down to something that I can memorize.

For example, in some of my speeches, I share my phrase: the “3 i’s—Initiate, Inspire, Innovate.”

I deliberately chose to place “initiate” before “inspire.”

Why? Because I agree with this statement:

Inspiration usually comes during work rather than before it –  Madeleine L’Engle

If I had waited for inspiration, I would not have written 36 books. Instead, I initiate. I just start writing whether inspired or not. Much of the time, as a professional writer, I start writing when I’m “not in the mood.”

A few weeks ago, I got stuck. I started three different blog articles. Nothing was good enough. Then I realized that perfectionism was hurting me. I asked myself two questions: 1) Am I telling the truth? and 2) Can this help someone? The answers were “yes” — and I got unstuck, wrote and posted a blog article.

What phrase are you going to memorize so you can shift to empowered thinking? How will you improve your daily life?

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 36 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of What the Rich Don’t Say about Getting Rich: Work Smarter, Live Better (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Secrets for a Great TED Talk and Beyond — Communicate Powerfully!

Express your charisma, and success is yours.

Express your charisma, refine your talk, and success is yours.

“Help me prepare to give a compelling TED Talk,” Sharon, a client, asked me. That was the third time in two days that one of my clients asked for this kind of help.

“I have 7 Questions for a Great TED Talk” that will help you zero-in on your unique speech that will energize your audience,” I replied. Serving clients as both Executive Coach and Spoken Word Strategist, I formulated …

7 Questions for a Great TED Talk:

  1. What have you learned that makes you go “Ooh! Oh, really? Wow!” (How can you communicate that in a Powerful Story?)
  2. What is the big thing that, in working with clients, has surprised you?
  3. What is something that you’ve done that has unleashed a surprising, hidden power?
  4. Picture someone you care about. Answer this question: What is it that you absolutely have to communicate to them to make their life better?
  5. What turned your original thinking upside down?
  6. What can you save people from?
  7. What do you know that others do NOT know? And how is that going to serve me, the listener?

I often work with people transforming themselves to become professional speakers. I bring my over 15 years as a professional speaker, author of 35 books and member of the National Speakers Association to the table. Because I know what it is to be a guest lecturer at Stanford University, I work on my speeches and rehearsals daily.

The essence of giving a great TED Talk or any other speech is that you need to fully commit. Imagine this: How many times have you missed a flight at the airport? Some people say, “I’ve never missed a flight.”

However, how many of us have been late for coffee with a friend? Many of us. Why? Because being on time for coffee is not in the same “commitment box” as being on time for a flight.

I invite you to fully commit, and you begin that process by using the above 7 Questions.

TEDx Talks have been as short as 9 minutes. In that spirit, I’ll be brief. I have one more question:

If you know that your next speech is your last speech on this planet, what MUST you express and leave as your legacy?

A Question can take you to great heights of effectiveness and feeling personal fulfillment. Yes, a Question can even open the door for you to feel happy!

Write your answers down. Today. Now.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 35 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, happiness, happy, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, success, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What Question Makes a Big Difference for Your Success?

“I feel stuck,” Marion, a new client said.
“I have a question for you,” I replied.
“What story are you telling that is in your way?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“We get stuck frequently when we keep telling the tired story that holds us in a cage,” I continued.

When I was a shy boy, I told myself: “I’m scared. The seniors (at a retirement home) are going to think I’m stupid, if I make mistakes playing this piano.” What did that do? It got me shaking. My right leg fluttered as fast as a hummingbird’s wings.

On the other hand, I do NOT tell that same story (to myself now), as a professional speaker and member of the National Speakers Association for over 15 years.

What’s the difference? I tell myself the story of “I’m here to be helpful to the audience members. If I make an error, I can adapt and flow with it.” [I rehearse often every week so I am ready to adapt.]

Recently, as an Executive Coach, I was working with a client who was giving a lot of resistance. I said, “I’m curious. I’m not sure what is this mud that is holding you back. Let me share with you one of my favorite quotes: In truth, I am a verb.” (from Steve Chandler)

I went on to explain that we are NOT a label like “shy boy” or “indecisive.”

Instead, we are a VERB. If you act in courageous ways, you are courageous.

If you act in decisive ways, you are decisive.

Now it’s your turn. What story are you telling yourself that’s keeping you in a rut? How can you turn this around? How can you apply the principle “I am a VERB”? How can you take a small action in the direction of more and better in your life?

Be selective of the stories that you tell. This can be profound. For example, some people get attention when they tell their “poor me” or “victim” story.

On the other hand, I know someone who has a different form of story. She said, “My brother beat on me when I was young. That led to my asking my parents for karate lessons. That opened a whole new world for me.”

So the story becomes one of eventual blessing and triumph.

Take a small step forward so you have a new, empowering story.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 35 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Step So You’ll Feel Better and Expand Your Success

Get ready to race forward!

Get ready to race forward!

“Is there one action that could make a big difference in my finally breaking out to real success?” my client Veronica asked.
During our conversation, I brought some principles to her attention.
• Act like your own best friend
• Break out of the perfectionism trap
• Answer “What will bring you peace?”

1. Act like your own best friend
“My mother hates my lamb stew,” my friend Cindy said.
“Wait a minute. Doesn’t your mother simply dislike lamb at all?” I asked.
“Yeah, but–”
“I hear your ‘yeah, but.’ Would you pause for a moment?” I asked.
“Okay.”
“I’ve heard you do this before. You express things in the manner of ‘Cindy’s at fault’ or ‘Cindy’s work is not good enough.’ To put it in few words, you’re not being kind to yourself.”
I invite you to be a friend to yourself. What does that entail? Be kind to yourself. Listen to see if you’re needlessly berating yourself and—STOP THAT.
Encourage yourself.
Now it’s your turn. Are you being a good friend to yourself? Do you take good care of yourself? What can you do to strengthen yourself? How about enough sleep, good nutrition, appropriate exercise—and time away from negative people?

2. Break out of the perfectionism trap
Recently, I started three different blog articles. I didn’t feel that they measured up. Then I caught myself and said, “Break out of the perfectionism trap.”
It’s better to Set Criteria for Excellence.
My criteria for excellence includes a) tell the truth and b) express something that can help the reader.
Good. I can do that. Hence, we have this article here.
Now it’s your turn. Are your preventing yourself from getting something done because you’re caught up in perfectionism? What would you choose to do if you Set Criteria for Excellence?

3. Answer “What will bring you peace?”
At one point, as an Executive Coach, I was working with a client who felt frustrated and surprised that her recent big accomplishment didn’t bring the happiness she was expecting.
I said, “Don’t hesitate. Tell me right now. What will bring you peace, Serena?”
“I don’t know— ”
“Don’t tell me a story. Just talk,” I said.
“Oh. All right. Uh, a walk in trees.”
“Trees. Got it.”
“Reading. In a hot bath. Kicking back,” Serena said.
“Good. Continue.”
“Maybe going back to the yoga class.”
“Continue.”
“Knitting?”
“Are you asking me? Or telling me?”
“Knitting.”
“In silence? With music?”
“Sometimes in quiet. Sometimes with music,” Serena said, now smiling.
“Okay. Send me an email after you’ve done one of those things in the next three to four hours.”
“I like this!” Serena said.
Now it’s your turn. What will bring you peace? What will you put in your day planner and actually do?
Remember:
• Act like your own best friend
• Break out of the perfectionism trap
• Answer “What will bring you peace?”

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 33 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Learn about Emotion-Motion Life Hacks in this 1.8 min. Video:
Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How You CAN Get Unstuck and Unleash New Opportunities for Yourself

Discover new possibilities: Tom Marcoux 's new book "The Hidden Power of the AND-Universe"

Discover new possibilities: Tom Marcoux ‘s new book “The Hidden Power of the AND-Universe”

Have you ever offered a friend a new idea and the person shot it down quickly? Perhaps, you started with “Have you tried…?”

And your friend said, “No. I tried that” or “That won’t work.”

Here’s something worse: You likely carry an inner critic/cynic that shoots down ideas that could uplift your life.

How can we deal with such an inner critic who strangles possibilities and even prevents you from thinking in new empowering ways? As an Executive Coach, one of the major processes I offer a client is to ask a well-formed question to open new possibilities for the person.

Here are two questions that often lead to clients’ enjoying transformation. [I say, “I’m in the business of transformation; I’m not in the business of Band-Aids.”]

  • What do you think is real that may not be true?
  • How can you make it a game you can win?

1) What do you think is real that may not be true?

“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.”  – Richard Bach

How do you know something is real? Many of us base our perceptions on past experiences. I have even seen this pattern in so-called “experts.” Many experts talk while they look at a “rearview mirror of history.”

Think about it. People who create innovations are not stuck in “rearview-mirror thinking”! There was a time before iTunes, and then Steve Jobs, with his vision, moved through the resistance of many in the music industry. Then, after Steve Jobs’ persistence, we could have a song instantly available for just 99 cents.

How do you react when you hear a new idea?

Do you often react with “Oh, that won’t work”?

Consider using these questions:

  • Is this true?
  • How do I know this is true?
  • Is it possible for something else to occur?
  • Does someone on this planet have a different perception of this thing?

Years ago, I had a particular friend “George” who would shoot down any new idea. His whole approach was rigid.

I once asked, “Don’t you think it’s helpful to hear ideas from someone who doesn’t think in your pattern of thinking?”

Ultimately, George drifted away and out of my life. What a relief!

Just before he removed himself from my life, he said, “Where did my energy go? I had more energy in the ‘80s.”

In a conversation with him, I noted, “You were dedicated to something beyond yourself.” I added, “Have you found someone new to serve?”


Now it’s your turn.
Do you have anyone in your circle who can offer you new ideas? Does anyone in your circle challenge you to think in new ways? What do you read or watch on TV? Do you only look for agreement instead of looking to explore new possibilities?

 

2) How can you make it a game you can win?

Several years ago, I was part of the team that set up the first bank with online banking. We did well. The management team said “Good work” and “Goodbye” to 30 team members. All of us were laid off.

I learned a number of things from that experience. One lesson related to my role as an operations analyst. You can do your best, succeed with the project and be dropped by a corporation.

I prefer to build my own company because I make choices and learn—and build new skills and new possibilities.

My point is: Many of us have fallen into a pattern by default. Recently, I read part of a memoir of a CEO. He said that he had fallen into being a CEO. Then, at one point, he allowed inspiration and intuition inform his transformation.

It happened on a plane. He was reading an article on his way to an interview toward being the CEO of yet another company. While reading the article, he realized that he wanted new and different for his life. Just taking another position as a CEO would have become “same old, same old.” Worse—he would feel dead inside.

Right there, on the plane, he made the decision to take his life into a whole new direction. He decided to become a coach to help others live their dreams and not by default. Yes—he sold the mansion and moved into an apartment with his wife (their children had already grown and moved out).

Here’s my point: You can’t “win the game” while you feel dead inside!

The late Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “You can NOT get enough of what you do not really want.” He said that when he had difficulty with drinking alcohol, he could never drink enough to make himself really feel better. He did not want more alcohol. He wanted a life of purpose, inner peace and joy.

 

Now it’s your turn. How are you living this chapter of your life? Are you devoting too much time and effort to what you do NOT really want? How can you make some small changes? How can you “make it a game you can win?” [Perhaps, you might feel better with this phrase: How can you change the pattern of your actions so you can enjoy each day?—the challenges and the fun parts of each day.]

*  *  *

When I speak on the topic, “Get Real or Get Hurt: Get False Stuff Out of Your Way and Succeed,” I identify these three details:

Myth: It’s okay to let any automatic cynicism shut down whether you consider new ideas or new possibilities.

A Way You Can Get Hurt: You can miss out on rising to a new level of success and happiness.

Get Real Principle: Consciously, double-check if how you’re living is a source of positive challenge, accomplishment and even time to just breathe and enjoy happy moments. And if you feel unsettled, use that as fuel to explore new ideas, new possibilities and new actions.

I have another note about “What do you think is real that may not be true?” Today, I worked with a client on her speech about overcoming fear. I asked, “If fear should not be in control of your life, what is better to control your life?”

“My heart,” she replied.

[That’s how I often work with someone on his or her speech. I help the person express something from the heart—when I ask helpful questions.]

In conclusion, if fear is shutting down possibilities, ask yourself, “What could I make happen that is new—when I sidestep fear and move forward, listening to my heart?”

Warmly,

Tom

P.S. For more inspiration, see my new book The Hidden Power of the AND-Universe: Abundance, Happiness, Prosperity – Along Your Spiritual Path. (Look inside the book when you CLICK HERE).

Tom Marcoux 's book "The Hidden Power of the AND- Universe"

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 33 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, Double Your Sales, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When the Deep Lesson Raises You to a Higher Level

Sometimes the only way is through.

Sometimes the only way is through.

I learned something profound today. It was after I felt slammed down emotionally. Perhaps, you might find value in looking at how some lessons arrive.

It began about a week ago when I made a real error. Someone I’ll call “George” came up to me and said, “I could learn a lot from you. I’m making an XY project.”

Suddenly, the excited educator in me (I do teach graduate students) went: “Oooh! I could save this person so much heartache and lost money and lost opportunities!” But I came on with too much excitement and energy. I admit it: I surprised myself by being “too much.”

So I saw George today, and I apologized to him. He immediately told me a bunch of things that he feels that I do wrong. And I listened. Then, he said, “You’ve got nothing for me.” And he accused me of not caring. [What!?]

Many of us who go into helping professions carry a deep hurt—that we hope to help others avoid. The truth is: I care a lot and wish to help each person. Being kind is deeply important to me.

In my childhood, I endured some bad things. I’ve written about how my father threw me, as a little boy, into walls. That was not love. [Other details, I’ll leave out here.] My intuition picked up that George was deep into his own pain. I’ve learned that there is no value in getting into a game of “my hurt is bigger and more important than yours.”

I felt that George had taken a rake and scraped out my heart. I have not felt this bad in one year and three months.

Then, later this day, I sat down with a dear friend, Rekha Raman. She told me about two ideas:

“Welcome and Release.” – Rekha Raman

 “When someone hurts me, a ‘ghost’ is created in my head.” – Rekha Raman

 

Welcome and Release
To me, it takes effort to welcome the lesson and even more effort to release the bad feelings and even judgments. Yes, I made an error, and I apologized for it. I do not want to fall into a hole of judgments against myself or George.

Still, the residue of the “rake scraping out my heart” could remain. I told George, “Don’t care? You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through that has made me what I am. I seek to serve. I know we’re not a match. I made a mistake. I was too excited. I wanted to be helpful to you.”

In retrospect, I can imagine that George was not with me. George has his own pain.

I now have a choice. It is time for me to release. What I want is to honor myself, honor George and honor the goodness of the Universe.

I’ll light a candle and say a prayer for George, me and the goodness of the universe.

I feel it’s useful for me to welcome the understanding that I have certain hurt places in me that can be triggered. That’s the deep lesson for me to welcome.

Still, I am glad that I did NOT react to George’s accusations with any unkind actions.

I did excuse myself, and I stepped away from George.

 

“When someone hurts me, a ‘ghost’ is created in my head.”
Because of certain social circles, I will see George again. I will give him space. He has told me off.

My intention is to focus on the people whom I can serve and with whom I can create a joyful energy.

If George and I talk again, I hope to put aside “any ghost in my head.” (A number of authors write about forgiveness. I find the word “free” is made of letters in the word “forgiveness.” I want to forgive myself and George.)

If George and I talk again–maybe I’ll be in a better space; maybe George will be in a better space. Or maybe not.

I will enter each moment fresh.

And that, my friend, is something helpful.

Many blessings.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 32 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Learn about Emotion-Motion Life Hacks in this 1.8 min. Video:

Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Be Heard and Be Trusted, become strong, hard won wisdom, How to Be Trusted, kindness, lesson, lesson from the universe, loving, spiritual, strength, wisdom, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Empower Yourself in a Moment — Prosperity Plus Being Spiritual

Enjoy life!--Make new things blossom.

Enjoy life!–Make new things blossom.

How can you shift to a spiritual place in yourself quickly? Two things: a) Breathe for Calmness and b) Shift to an Empowered Second Thought.

(As a sidenote: A Chinese Proverb holds: “Man with unsmiling face must not open a shop.” To bring a smile to your face and enhance your inner calm, use these two methods.)

a) Breathe for Calmness

Breathe deeply—in through your nose. Allow your belly to inflate. Hold your breath (perhaps say to yourself, “God relaxes me”). Breathe out and let your belly “deflate.” This is called belly breathing. When you feel the need, do three to ten belly-breaths. Also, gently place a smile on your face.

b) Shift to an Empowered Second Thought

Have you noticed times when you or someone near you has a first thought full of worry or fear? You can experience power and calmness by conditioning yourself to think an Empowered Second Thought.

On the other hand, when we are fearful, our thoughts go to worry, survival and desperation. Desperate people do desperate things. A number of spiritual paths invite us to focus on love and shift away from fear.

We can do spiritual things born of spiritual ideas. I have a spiritual idea I have memorized as “KHH” or “K double H” – “kind, healthy, holy.” Some people prefer to substitute “spiritual” for “holy.” That works.

Do something kind, healthy and holy.

Can you approach increasing your prosperity by doing kind, healthy and holy actions? Yes!

  • Love your neighbor as yourself. – Jesus
  • My religion is simple. My religion is kindness. – The Dalai Lama
  • Be the change you wish to see in the world. – Gandhi

Do you wish to see peace in the world? Then practice breathing for calmness and shifting to an Empower Second Thought. One person who is calm affects those around her.

For over 14 years, I have taught a college level Comparative Religion course (I wrote the online course). Certain phrases from spiritual texts stay in my daily thoughts.

  • This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. – Psalm 118:24
  • When you feel a peaceful joy, that’s when you are near truth. – Rumi
  • Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. – Lao-tzu
  • Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. – Buddha

Can you do business in the manner of kindness and sharing light (value)? Yes!

[We can memorize spiritual quotes as an Empowered Second Thought.]

How will you approach your actions to increase your prosperity in the manner of kindness and sharing light (value)?

**This above material is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity — that will be available soon**

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 31 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Learn about Emotion-Motion Life Hacks in this 2.8 min. Video:

Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Double Your Sales, How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Create New Opportunities for You – Use the Power of the “AND-universe”

"Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity" - a speech by Tom Marcoux

“Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity” – a speech by Tom Marcoux

“I really want to increase my income, but I feel like something is holding me back. Something inside me,” my friend Sean said.

“Let me share with you the idea of ‘This is an AND-universe.’ In this case, I’m talking about how you can be full of gratitude AND ‘go for more,’” I replied.

When I speak on “Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity,” I often work with people who are stuck because they were shut down by limiting beliefs in childhood. They heard comments like “just be grateful for what you have and don’t be greedy.”

Such a concept can function as chains on one’s energy, viewpoint and fulfillment of personal potential. How? Many of us do not want to be “bad” or “greedy.” That’s understandable. Still, I know people who have devoted themselves to serving customers and they have earned a terrific, prosperous way of life. Did you see the powerful word? It’s “AND.”

Many of us notice that there is a “gap” between where we are now and where we want to be. But it is folly to say, “I’ll only be happy when XY happens.” So the better plan is to enjoy this moment AND “go for more.” You’ll find that you can even enjoy the process of finding out how you can serve more people in different ways.

We’ll use the G.A.P. process:

G – gratitude
A- action
P – preparation

  1. Gratitude

Gratitude is a strong stance. When I was trained in karate moves, the instructors guided me to have a strong stance.  Such a stance provided support so one could kick. Still, such a stance was flexible so you could move in any direction

Gratitude fills us with positive energy. We can shift to gratitude and step out of a mood of disappointment or even a mood of worry.

To begin the shift, write on a sheet of paper (or in a personal journal), “I am grateful for . . .” Now note 10 things that you appreciate in your life.

Many years ago, I worked as part of tech-group inside a top bank. This position did not employ my best talents. Still, every morning, I recited my 10 Blessings as I took a shower. I’d say, “I’m grateful for my sweetheart, my excellent health, my friends, the financial abundance of my job …”

This practice helped me enjoy my present moment AND energized me to even work on my own company after returning from the bank each evening.

Numerous authors have noted the value of starting from gratitude. The universe sends more opportunities to you – and you have MORE to be grateful for.

  1. Action

One of my favorite quotes is: “Replace worry with action.” – Steve Chandler

Have you noticed that worried people get stuck? And some miserable people truly spread misery!

On the other hand, we can get unstuck and move forward. We have two ways to develop more and better in our lives.

1) Shift to an outlook of gratitude
2) Take action.

“Actions seems to follow feeling, but really actions and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling.”  – William James

I’ve noted that when I implement “Replace worry with action,” I simply feel better.

All I need to do is a small, simple action. It can be just listing the next people for me to call. I make a couple of phone calls and I feel much better.

Now it’s your turn. What small simple actions can you take to get yourself moving in a positive direction?

  1. Preparation

I have coached thousands of people (clients and audiences) with this phrase: “Courage is easier when I’m prepared.”

By this I mean, that my preparation quiets down my fear and I take action to improve my circumstances.

I’ll add this phrase:

The Answer to Fear is Rehearsal.

In college, I had to direct a final project: a live television show. I was afraid. I went to a senior and asked for advice. Paul said, “Don’t bury your head in your script. Watch your monitors.”

So I went back to my dorm room and drew 5 “TV Monitors” on five separate sheets of paper. I taped them to the wall. I rehearsed by glancing at the script and then up at the monitors.

When I directed that live television show, I was glad I had rehearsed.

While Camera One was “live” – the background painting visible on Camera Two fell down.

Calmly, I had the crew fix the background during a commercial break.

Rehearsal had saved the day [at least the project and my grade].

Recently, I was invited to give a speech. Two weeks later, I stepped on stage and I did well. I know that my 15 rehearsal sessions helped! (Yes, I keep a Progress Log of my rehearsals. … By the way, you can rehearse a section during a phone call with a friend. I often rehearse in a car while a team member drives us to an event.)

Now it’s your turn. What form of preparation or rehearsal can help you do better when you’re in a pressure-filled moment? How will you schedule some rehearsal?

*  *  *  *  *  *

As an Executive Coach, I help new business owners and seasoned professionals free themselves from the chains of limited thinking and lack of consistent action.

When I talk about Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity, I  inspire the audience to realize that this is an “AND-universe.” You can enjoy the moment as you focus on gratitude AND you can “go for more.”

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 31 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Learn about Emotion-Motion Life Hacks and Great Technique to Overcome Worry in this 1.5 min. Video:

Author of Relax Your Way Networking: How You Can Meet New People, Increase Your Feelings of Ease and Create High Trust Relationships for Work and Life (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Double Your Sales, How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How You Can Cope When the Worst Happens

Feel better and get out of low mood--share some good moments!

Feel better and get out of low mood–share some good moments!

It all hit at once: I was sick and rundown; my father fell ill, landing in the hospital—and miles away—my frail, elderly mother needed care. Oh—and just before that, I had to give a speech when my voice was failing.

I share this to give you the context that I’m speaking from experience about coping during high pressure times.

Many of us seek to make our dreams come true. To make continual progress and avoid being derailed, it’s vital for us to become skilled at enduring the toughest moments of life.

We’ll discuss the O.W.N. process.

O – open
W – warm up support/relationships
N – nurture yourself

I use the word “OWN” related to how we do better to keep up our OWN self-care practices.

  1. Open

You can use your mind to help you during your difficult time. How? Train yourself to shift to better thoughts and feelings that can empower you. The process is to pick a phrase (what I call a “SwitchPhrase”) to shift the direction of your thoughts. This phrase can be used to switch the direction of your “train of thoughts.”

It’s easy to start having catastrophic thoughts. To counteract that tendency, I use this phrase: “I’ll enter the moment fresh.”

For example, I have endured situations in which I need to deal with a particular bitter, elderly relative. Instead of losing my energy ahead of time to worrying about how painful the upcoming interaction might be, I tell myself “I’ll enter the moment fresh.”

The idea here is open yourself to good possibilities instead of closing down on negative preconceptions.

I admit that over the years some thoughts arose like “Nothing I do will be good enough for that bitter, elderly relative.” But then I catch myself and say, “I’ll enter the moment fresh.” I further encourage myself by thinking: “I’ll do what I can. That will be good. I’ll give myself acknowledgement and approval for my own good efforts.”

Another way that “open” is an empowering approach during a tough time relates to quiet time, gratitude and prayer.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” – Meister Eckhart

Devoting even just a moment can shift your perspective. During the toughest moments of my life, I’ve had the love and support of my sweetheart and my friends. That’s a lot to be grateful for. Researchers have noted that it takes 10 seconds of attention so that a positive detail becomes part of our long term memory. So I write in my Daily Journal of Victories and Blessings every night just before sleep–to devote time to pay attention and to feel grateful.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. – Melody Beattie

It takes personal discipline to turn one’s attention to gratitude–when we’re enduring a tough time. Still, we can choose to expand our awareness with gratitude. And, with gratitude we can brighten our perspective.

“Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.” – George Bernard Shaw

  1. Warm up support/relationships

If possible, when things are quieter (not a worst time), do what you can to support your current relationships. Be kind. Express appreciation. Help people close to you. Build up your emotional bank accounts (that’s a metaphor for how you can be kind and “make a deposit” into a relationship).

During your difficult time, take care of yourself. I keep a log of my sleep. Sleep will help you have more patience, and that can help you have the energy to express appreciation to anyone who helps you: friends, nurses, doctors, family members and others. When you are kind, it’s amazing how people near you (for the most part) will reflect your sunny attitude back to you.

 

  1. Nurture yourself

Taking good care of yourself is critical for you to navigate a difficult time with grace. Do what you can to get help so you can get sleep when possible. Additionally, make efforts to keep “something normal” in your day. My normal day includes quiet time with assembling a jigsaw puzzle and music. So during tough times, I enjoy even just 9 minutes of that activity so my subconscious mind does not feel that the whole world is upside down.

I also make sure to get in a 15 minute walk—at least.

Be sure to schedule breaks for yourself. I alert my friends that I may want to call them and talk about anything other than my parents’ health issues—to give me some time away from the continuing difficulties.

Make sure to devote time with a beloved cat or dog—or other furry friend.

I work with my own coach. You may find it valuable to work with a counselor or therapist. Often a loved one who is having a physical crisis withdraws emotionally from us. So we need emotional support. Be sure to have someone who can really listen to you. Sometimes, it’s crucial to hire real support from a mental health professional.

*  *  *

My intention has been to provide a brief article that brings up a few critical self-care practices for when you’re enduring the worst.

You might find it valuable to read books or listen to audiobooks on the topics of self-care during difficult times.

You need to be strong. You need to OWN your self-care practices and keep them going. You need them now more than ever before.

Time devoted to self-care is vital.

I recall the military idea: “More sweat in training. Less blood in battle.”

We might adapt this as “More healthy self-care; More grace during difficult times.”

Many blessings to you.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 31 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Learn about Emotion-Motion Life Hacks and Great Technique to Overcome Worry in this 1.5 min. Video:
Author of Create Your Best Life: Unleash Your Charisma and Confidence to Change the World (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Double Your Sales, How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Unleash Your Hidden Power — Be the OptiRealist Leader!

The Power of OptiRealist Leader by Tom Marcoux

The Power of an OptiRealist Leader by Tom Marcoux

“The people at work are stuck,” my client, Tina, said.
“How much do you want things to improve?” I asked.
“A lot. I’m so drained when I get home,” she replied.
“There are things you can do to subtly shift the energy. That’s when you become an OptiRealist Leader,” I said. The term OptiRealist Leader is one of my favorites that I have coined. As you can guess, I have combined “optimist” and “realist” to form the word “OptiRealist.”

Optimism is valuable. For example, Steve Jobs was optimistic that his team could ensure that people could get to their music in “just three clicks.” Jobs had to convince his team that this was possible with the first iPod.

Similarly, without optimism and a vision, people do NOT put forth effort. Still, optimism is not enough. “Blind optimism” led to the deaths of eight people during a Mt. Everest climb. They faced a choice. Take a risk and climb toward the summit late in the day or wait to the next day.

Unfortunately, according to a number of authors, this team chose poorly. It would have been wise to postpone the climb. Instead, after they summited Mt. Everest, they climbed down in the dark, and eight people lost their lives.

So the real empowering leader is one who uses the tenets of OptiRealist Leadership.

We’ll use the A.I.M. process:

A – aspire
I – intensify nurturing
M – measure

  1. Aspire

To aspire means “to seek to attain or accomplish a particular goal.” (merriam-webster.com)

One of my favorite examples of a leader inspiring his group to aspire is when Mark Burnett, creator of the TV Show Survivor faced the problem of having no where to house his crew and equipment in a remote tropical location. His crew said, “We’ll have to pick somewhere else to shoot this season’s episodes.” Burnett said, “We are going to solve this. Give me some ideas.” Eventually one team member suggested that they hire a cruise ship—which is like a floating city. All provisions were on the cruise ship, and the crew used a speed boat to travel between ship and shore.

The OptiRealist Leader provides the direction. It helps to communicate clearly and provide space for people to offer supportive ideas. The OptiRealist Leader begins with: “I’ll now share three ideas about how we can solve the XY problem.” (We refer to this as a “headline.”)

Then the OptiRealist Leader says, “After I share the three ideas, I’m going to open this up. I want to hear your ideas, thoughts and feelings about this. Together we’ll come up with something excellent.”

Now it’s your turn. How can you communicate clearly and keep space for people to share ideas?

  1. Intensify nurturing

A great leader is an excellent listener who nurtures and empowers the team member. Such listening enhances the leader/team member relationship.

Nurture talent.

I learned two things from directing feature films: a) Protect the Talent and b) Guard Momentum.

In filmmaking, the talent is the group of actors (male and female).

The cinematography and screenplay mean nothing if the actors fail to give credible, moving performances.

So the OptiRealist Leader makes sure that team members have what they need to perform well.

Additionally, the OptiRealist Leader nurtures or guards the momentum of the project. A major project is like a train. It takes significant effort to get the project rolling. The OptiRealist Leader makes sure to keep the team flowing forward well.

Now it’s your turn. Are you expressing appreciation for team members’ contributions?

  1. Measure

An old phrase is: “You can’t improve it if you can’t measure it.

The OptiRealist Leader zeroes in on the most meaningful measurements.

With my clients who own businesses, I help them “See the Three.”

For a business owner, the Three Measurements are embodied in these questions:

This week –

  1. how many referrals did I ask for?
  2. how many sales conversations did I have?
  3. how many times did I ask someone to buy something?

The OptiRealist Leader also watches measurements in order to avoid “holding the ‘Wrong B.A.G.’”

I coined this phrase B.A.G. as in Blind Adherence to Goal.

At the beginning of this article, I mentioned the eight Mt. Everest climbers who lost their lives. According to a number of authors, they made a poor decision. They kept to a deadly goal. We can call this “Blind Adherence to Goal.”

Sometimes, the marketplace may show us that our goal or approach is faulty. The OptiRealist Leader pays close attention.

As an Executive Coach, my job is to keep my eyes wide open and help clients open their eyes, too.

As we get feedback from the marketplace, we adjust and improve the project. Or we even throw out the wrong project. We avoid “Blind Adherence to a Goal.”

How do you know? The OptiRealist Leader “knows the numbers.” He or she knows how many marketing calls leads to one in-person appointment—for example.

Also the OptiRealist Leader is ready to throw out “the old way of doing things” when conditions have changed.

Combining optimism and realism gives the OptiRealist Leader an edge.

As an Executive Coach, I speak on “Discover Your Enchanted Prosperity.” If you seek to create a company or improve the performance of your current company, it helps to remember A.I.M.: Aspire; Intensify nurturing; and Measure.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 31 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Emotion-Motion Life Hacks: How You Can Enjoy Transforming Your Work and Life for More Success and Happiness (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Learn about Emotion-Motion Life Hacks and Great Technique to Overcome Worry in this 1.5 min. Video:
Author of Create Your Best Life: Unleash Your Charisma and Confidence to Change the World (Free Chapter when you CLICK HERE)
Posted in Double Your Sales, How to Be Trusted, Your Guide to Money and Abundance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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