“I long for the big leap upwards to success,” my client Muriel said. We talked for a time about what success really means to her. Then I said, “It comes down to one question: Where’s the pain, power, and recovery?”
The one step for big success is to engage your full capacities for thoughts, feelings and intuition—by asking yourself “Where’s the pain, power and recovery?”
To make a breakthrough, we look at these three vital elements.
Where’s the real problem?
My client Amanda told me her mother’s mean remarks created a real problem for her.
Amanda and I had a detailed conversation, and I asked questions including:
- Is the pain coming from your expectations?
- Do you expect your mother to change?
- Can you get your support from elsewhere?
- Can you make yourself stronger so you do NOT need her approval?
- Can you learn to shift the direction of your thoughts to something that empowers you in the present moment?
My point here is that often we jump to a conclusion as to what the real problem is.
The truth is: When you truly nurture yourself and shift your habitual thoughts you can often release yourself from “needing someone’s approval.”
If Amanda realizes (in this particular case) that her mother has no intention of being kind or pleasant, then Amanda can reduce her exposure to her mother’s negativity. Further, Amanda starts devoting time to nurture her friendships and to make space to feel her friends’ support.
Now it’s your turn. What is your real problem? Is it something or someone outside yourself? Is it your own perceptions? (Sometimes, we DO have choices. We just don’t like our choices.)
Often your power is in your well-chosen Action. When you blame someone else for your lack of success or lack of feeling happy, it’s a losing pattern. Blame sets up the blamer to feel like a victim.
Instead, see how you can take control of your own actions and responses.
For example, my client Sandra decided to stop waiting for people to offer her roles in film or television. She produced a few short films and placed them on YouTube.com, We learn by doing. In fact, the acclaimed screenwriter-director Quentin Tarantino discovered his knack for writing dialogue while he was preparing scenes for acting classes. His friends noted that his writing was just as effective as material written for several produced feature films.
Now it’s your turn. What small action can you take so you shift away from blaming anyone or anything for you’re being stuck?
We can often handle difficult times when we have reserves of energy. Your plan of action is incomplete if you do not schedule times for recovery. For many of us, watching television is not truly refreshing. Taking a walk with a loved one and having a conversation can be uplifting.
I know a couple of elderly people who stay in their homes all day long. They fail to realize that walking outdoors will give them new sights and sounds—and will lift their spirits. As an Executive Coach, I help my clients design their weeks to include times for renewal AND preparation for the High Impact Moments of their lives. (High Impact Moments include giving a presentation; leading a team during a meeting; talking with direct reports or one’s supervisor; meeting with someone who could be a great client and more.)
Additionally, consider activities that you can do on your own. These become like foundational pillars that you can rely on each day. Some people will paint, write in a gratitude journal, do some knitting, or even color in an coloring book designed for adults. Meditation or prayer (some quiet-time) can help us feel renewed. A simple walk at lunchtime can do much to refresh us. A 20 minute power-nap can help, too. (Some research suggest that a 60-minute nap is more helpful for one’s cognitive memory processing.)
To really rise up and fulfill our potential for success and happiness, we do better when we rotate challenge, activity and recovery.
Real power is in rotating challenge, activity and recovery.
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)